Thursday, September 10, 2015

An Open Letter to Anna Duggar

Dana and her children
We came across this letter on one of our reader's blogs. The author's name is Dana, and she has three children and lives in Colorado. We hope her words speak to you, whether you are a "fellow traveler" or someone who can be an encouragement to those around you.

I don’t know you, Anna. I only know the image of you that has been marketed on TV. Nevertheless, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. You are now part of a club that NO ONE ever wants to be in. It is the worst club, Anna. You know that already. A hand grenade has been detonated and thrown smack dab into the middle of your life. I understand. You are not alone.

There will be so many people who will tell you what you need to do. Some of these people will be well-meaning, and some of them will not. No one really knows, Anna. Some of your closest friends may be totally shocked to learn about what has happened in your marriage, and some of them will not be. You have to remember that only you know the truth, Anna. You are the only person that has lived in your shoes day in and day out. You are the only person that really knows Josh’s heart and intentions and capacity to change. There is a soft, still voice in your head, Anna. I believe that is the voice of the Holy Spirit; trust that voice. It will speak to you and guide you as you attempt to navigate out of the depths of despair. I would like to offer some humble words of encouragement for you on your journey.

1. Say yes. Yes I need help. Yes I could use help with meals, yes you can watch my kids, yes you can stop by, yes you can clean my house. Yes, I will not be able to ask for it, so yes you have my permission to step into the gap and provide it. You need to allow others to serve you right now. It is humbling, and difficult, and necessary. Anna, you need all of your strength, all of your sanity, all of your courage for today. And then you will need it all over again for tomorrow.

2. Find your people. This road of suffering is lonely and barren; long and agonizing. There are men and women ahead of you on this journey. There are also people right alongside you. Sadly, soon there will be those that come after you. Find these people, Anna. Your soul will not survive without the camaraderie of those that have gone before you. The first time that you share your heart with a fellow traveler, and they say, “Me too. I know exactly what you mean,” your soul will flicker with the tiniest ember of hope. The connection between your hearts will lay down a thin thread.  Sometimes you will feel like you are floating away.  Those people will feel tension on the line when you start to disconnect. They will show up for you. They will keep you grounded, connected, and safe. Hang onto those threads, Anna.

3. Give yourself grace. And then give yourself another heaping portion of it. I think you are the kind of person that wants to do it all. And you want to do it all well. And you want other people to approve of how you are doing it all. Anna, you can’t do it all. You will fail. You will unravel at the slightest thing. You will drift off into space, walk around in a cloud, and snap at your loved ones. You will sob in the car. You will forget things that you always reliably remembered. Let it go. Forgive yourself. In fact, treat yourself. Give yourself permission to take extra care of yourself. Allow luxuries that were previously thought frivolous. They aren’t luxuries anymore, Anna; they are survival.

4. Be a courageous truth teller. We are a people called to walk in the light. We are told that the truth will set us free. You are part of a generation of women who can do hard things. You can do hard things! Do not sacrifice your integrity to defend someone else who lacks it. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes along. Face the pain and the agony head on. Admit how much it hurts. If you are mad at God, He can handle it. Lean in to the truth, Anna. Love is not shaming or silencing, controlling or deceitful. It is open and honest and courageous. If your marriage gets put back together, it will be real, and honest, and stronger than before. If it doesn’t,you will hold your head up high as an honest and worthy woman of God.

The affairs were not about you, Anna. There wasn’t anything missing, something you failed at, or some way that you did not measure up. It wasn’t you. His shame is not your shame. The healing is about you. It’s all about you. It is about your soul and your health and your children. It’s about your heart and your dignity. Your worth and your purity and your happiness aren’t dependent on Josh.  They never were. You are strong and worthy and beautiful all on your own. Your story doesn’t end with a divorce or a reconciliation.  That will only ever be part of your story, Anna. It is your life and your story. You still own that. Own it courageously.

Godspeed Anna,

A fellow traveler

You can find Dana on the web at SingledOutInColorado.com.

486 comments:

  1. So beautifully written.... I hope you find comfort and encouragement in those words. (Aussie mum)

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  2. Well said! Praying for you, Anna.

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  3. What an amazing letter! I hope Anna has a chance to read it!!!!!!!!!
    sending big hugs to Anna!!!

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  4. Anna, I have walked in similar shoes as yours. I am now a Grandma of 6 and can tell you, God can bring you through this! Stay grounded in the Scriptures, find and stay in a sound church, lean on God daily. Regardless of whether your marriage stays together, mine did not, God will bring you through this. There are happier days ahead and even peace of mind and heart that you probably can not even imagine right now, but it will come. Rejoice in the small daily blessings God will provide just for you daily. He loves you and will stay close to you. He will lovingly care for and guide you and your children throughout the days and years to come. You are in my prayers.

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  5. Very well said. Totally agree. Hold your head high Anna

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  6. I hope Anna reads this. Beautifully written!

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  7. very well said. Anna, if you ever see these words please feel the love and virtual hugs you have been receiving from around the world. I've met most of the Duggar family but sadly the one I wanted to meet the most and give a hug to was you, but you werent with them. Everytime I come to Springdale I say a little prayer that I may run across you by chance so I could tell you in person how much I absolutely adore and admire your class and patience and grace. Even before all this mess began I have had a soft spot for you in my heart. You always struck me as the kindhearted friend everyone wishes they are blessed to have in their life. You are strong. You are smart, and you are faithful. Dont ever forget that and know that whatever the outcome is for you and your family, you will have support for whatever you need.

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  8. Such raw truth. Anna, you are not alone. Love from Gainesville.

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  9. Too many of us have been through this and this letter says it all. God will see you through this. Praying for you and your family Anna!

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  10. What an AMAZING letter. Praying for Anna and the rest of the family. Stay strong with the Lord.

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  11. Very thoughtful and amazing! Keeping you and your family in my prayers Anna!

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  12. Heart felt words that ring with truth. Anna, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God delights over you. Rest in His love and promises.

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  13. I don't think anyone could have put betters words down on paper. Anna you are strong! You are loved! You are amazing!

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  14. Just know Anna, you are not alone in this!!

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  15. Wonderful advice. Many people are praying for Anna and the entire family. Follow your own heart, Anna, and don't let anyone else tell you what YOU need to do. God will guide your heart.

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  16. coming back to LA 19 Kids and Counting coming back this fall

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  17. Fascinating that you would choose to publish this, rather than just sending it to her directly.

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  18. Beautiful letter!!! Anna you are a wonderful person!!!! Hold your head High!!!!

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  19. Such beautiful words and well written. I hope with all of the love there is for you all, I sure hope you feel it. God is a GREAT GOD. He will NEVER fail you. Keep your eyes on him. Love and prayers to you all. God bless you all.

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  20. Your heart will tell you your truth, and your path....

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  21. This is beautifully written! Anna, every word is so true. I have been in your shoes, with 5 children, and God will make beauty from ashes whether your marriage lasts or not. Listen. To the Holt Spirit guide as you think out future steps, do not listen to man. I did what everyone told me not to do, but I listened to God and held firm and God protected me, guided .e and I have total peace because I knew I walked in obedience. Take care of yourself and your family now. Let God work on Josh. God is the ultimate healer and stay on your knees for your marriage, whether it looks bleak or not. I'm praying for all of you and Josh to be redeemed!

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  22. Beautifully written. Praying for you Anna and your precious babies.

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  23. I couldn't have said it better myself. As a survivor of domestic violence (of every kind), I can honest say this letter speaks VOLUMES in terms of truth and strength. You have my fullest support, Anna. Love and hugs from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

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  24. Very well said! You are not alone many are praying for you. Hugs

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  25. You are so loved Anna. There are many praying for you and your children. God is good and He will give you peace and guidance. You are His child, and He cares deeply for you.

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  26. Amen !!! God Bless You & your family !!

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  27. Beautifully writren. Anna I don't know you, but I want you to know, I'm praying for you, Makenzie, Michael, Marcus, and the baby daily. God has you in the palm of his hand, he knows what is coming and he will get you through it. Just stay grounded in your faith. May God Bless you and your family.

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  28. Anna, you are HIS precious daughter. Don't listen to all those haters who are saying horrible things about your husband and family. Jesus is the only hope for any future! We thank God with you, that HE holds you in HIS hands.

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  29. Beautifully written and so full of truth! As another "fellow traveler" thank you for putting into words what we all wish we could say or are still learning. Even this journey has joy as we learn to navigate a new path.

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  30. Beautifully writren. Anna I don't know you, but I want you to know, I'm praying for you, Makenzie, Michael, Marcus, and the baby daily. God has you in the palm of his hand, he knows what is coming and he will get you through it. Just stay grounded in your faith. May God Bless you and your family.

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  31. THIS is the best thing I have seen written about the whole disaster!!!! We love you Anna as does God even when you don't/can't love yourself. Make the best decisions you can at any given time and permit yourself new decisions when necessary!

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  32. Yes! Anna, please read! :)

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  33. Anna you are not alone in this struggle please know that there are people who are here for you. I've walked that lonely road it will get better.Trust in your heart and in god he will bring you through this.

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  34. Yes, that was soooo honestly beautiful!!!!

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  35. My prayers are with you at this time. Hold on to God. He has all the answers.

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  36. Anna I have watched you thru the years. You are beautiful inside and out. That letter saids it all. Never blame yourself! Only one to blame is Josh. Stay strong. One thing he did give you is a beautiful family(The Duggars), and four beautiful children. My prayers are with you.

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  37. Wow. What incredible encouragement for our sister in Christ. ��

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  38. I am on the path with you, Anna. Keep going and doing the hard things. You can make it through this with the Lord's help.

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  39. Well done! Yes, Anna, know that all this is not your fault nor your responsibility. Nor is it your responsibility to fix. God will love you and your family through this. Remember that Jesus said that his yoke was easy, and his burden was light.

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  40. I to have been in your shoes before Anna. I am on the other side now. God has done amazing things, but I wouldn't wish this road to walk on anyone. This ministry https://www.rejoiceministries.org helped me so much during my dark time when my husband was wondering.

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  41. The letter was excellent advice !! I went through it 50 years ago. I want to stress one thing that was said----- It was not about anything you did or didn't do !

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  42. This is not only to help anna but to help others reading it. It was such a blessing to me in just reading it, powerful message

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  43. I also have been in the position you are now in,Anna you are not alone even though it may feel that you are,you are stronger than you think and no one can tell you what to do or how to feel. Staying in the situation wasn't for me but if you feel it's right for you you will only get stronger. Don't keep your feelings locked inside it will be healing for you.God bless you and may he give you the strength you need.

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  44. Beautiful words and advice. Will lift you and your children up in prayer.

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  45. I, too, have been in your shoes with our horror being publicly displayed and discussed. It was many years ago, Anna, and although it seems impossible each day will be better. Focus on you and your children. And, please remember it is not your job or responsibility to fix Josh. That is up to him.

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  46. Beautiful...keep strong...praying for you and ur sweet family

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  47. This was so beautifully written and so true! I have been praying for Anna and my heart has hurt for her as well.

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  48. Beautifully said. Praying for you Anna.

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  49. Thank you Dana for speaking with love and truth, thank you Duggars for sharing as many will be blessed by this. I continue to lift you all up in prayer.

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  50. So very true. You will find out through this trying time who your true friends are. As the song states Be strong in the Lord and be of good courage your mighty commander will vanquish the foes. Fear not the battle for the victory for the victory is always his. He will protect you wherever you go. May the almighty God be with you now and forever more.

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  51. That's exactly what Anna needs to hear. She is not alone, though the paths aren't alike, there are so many like it.

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  52. We love you Anna, and Duggar Family. I hope you find courage and strength through this trying time. Thinking of you all often and praying for you always.
    The Monnin's

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  53. I am praying for you and all the family Anna. I am thankful for families like the Duggers who are not ashamed of professing your faith. Much love and peace

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  54. I've been in your shoes years back! The Lord taught me to trust Him in everything, He has the best plan. Continue to live to please The Lord in forgiving, and loving as He has created a new spirit within you! You can't do that without Him, He knows the path for you and your children. As He guides you, walk in dignity and grace, loving unconditionally, forgiving, and never taking on anyone else's baggage. Carry on! Enjoy each day, knowing The Lord carries you! 😍

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  55. Beautifully said. This is exactly what I wish I could have told her.

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  56. Ladies i hope you got this letter to Anna!

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  57. Anna, you are beautiful and you can do and be anything you wish. God's holy spirit is in you and with you. Hold your head high and praise him for your journey has not endes. Love you.

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  58. What an amazing letter. A Fellow Traveler has helped Anna and many, many more travelers by posting this. Thank you. I needed to hear these words today.

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  59. Beautiful letter. I also know the feeling. Just know you did nothing wrong. Put your faith to work but never forget to ask for some help you will need it.

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  60. Praying for Anna. This is great advice..

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  61. Amazingly beautiful, nobody can guide you through this but yourself and God. Lean on his grace and allow His strength to fill you in whatever decision you make.

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  62. I wish I could give you a big hug. The media attention must be terrible. Keep standing by Josh. You will both come victoriously through this trial and be even a stronger testimony to God's love and grace. I know you will be an encouragement to other Christians struggling through a similar situation. I'd love to see you write a book telling how God walked with you and Josh & healed. God will work this out for good as we hold dear as promised in Romans 8:28. I continue to hold you, Josh, and all your family & in-laws in prayer before the throne of God. Love you all.

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  63. Beautifully written words of truth. I hope Anna finds comfort and wisdom in them.

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  64. i couldnt have said it any better. i too have become a part of this club. i blamed myself instead of him. i did things to try and get him to change but it never did. i was beaten for simple things like not having the house clean by 830 am every morning. im glad she hasnt gone to that club. i know josh loves her and will never physically hurt her and i am glad of that. i wish i could give her hugs, help her with the kids if she wanted a break or just listen while she talks. anything that would help right now i would do for her. the last thing anyone in this club wants or wanted was to be alone. and she is very lucky to have so many people in her family and this blog wanting to help her

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  65. Amen!! Anna she is telling you the truth!! Be yourself stay strong healthy courage one day at a time with god and for you and your childrens.I fully understand ive been on yr side. Love you its not your faulth xxx Hugs Anna Québec Canada

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  66. I am not a fellow traveler, but this spoke volumes to my heart. I pray that Anna sees this and it touches her as it was intended. God bless her and the children!

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  67. God Bless you Anna, and Family & Duggar Family!!! Amen , and Amen...

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  68. Praying for u and your children , seek God and the Holy Spirit will guide you, read his word daily the answers are in the bible and seek Godly counsel , dont forsake Christian fellowship and church

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  69. Beautifully written.

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  70. Amen! I lived it and survived it. We didn't stay married but we stayed best friends for ourselves and our two daughters. You are not alone. God is bending you not breaking you. It's not about you. You didn't do this. Josh is struggling within and will survive too. Prayers for you, Josh and your family.

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  71. This is so well written and said. Those have been on this same journey know how true they are. Anna, cling tight to those who know your true heart well, and cling tighter to the Lord whom loves you best. Listen to that deep, quiet inner voice, it will lead you well.

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  72. Well said! Anna, May the peace of God finds you during this difficult time. I will be praying for you and your family.

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  73. Beautiful letter - Time will take care pf everything and God will show you the way. Just breathe, pray, take care of those babies and know that you are in out thoughts and prayers

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  74. Prayers for you Anna and the entire Duggar family. You have always been and will continue to be such a inspiration to our family. You have always shown love, compassion, kindness, caring, grace, and mercy to those around you. No matter the circumstances you hold strong to your faith and your family. Your humbleness Anna, has encouraged me. I am a mother of 4 and always try to do everything strong sure but alone...my husband works all the time. Mothers and wives go through far more than anyone can understand. I commend your strength and humility and pray for strength for you through this season in your family's life. God bless and prayers with love.

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  75. Anna ...I pray for you daily & your children. The letter wrote by Dana was beautiful. We all have fear of the unknown and this journey your on, many women have been on. Just remember the scripture. God walks with you every step of the way.. Deuteronomy 31-8 he will never leave you or forsake you. You are not alone. Every women who has walked this journey is praying for you. Prayers for peace, prayers for comfort. ((Hugs from Tn) - Allie

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  76. Hello Anna my heart felt feelings go out to you. I have experienced your heart ache and am praying for you.

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  77. That spoke right to my heart. Thank you.

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  78. You aren't alone Anna, keep your head up hugs....

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  79. Beautiful words. Thank you Dana for writing this letter!

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  80. That spoke right to my heart. I too have dealt with this pain. And have never healed from it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for writing this!

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  81. Exactly the truth was,said here. I have been down this horrible trip that feels like hell but I made it and you can too. God is good look to him for your strength and answers. He can do miraculous things. Just listen and trust him alone. God have mercy and a huge dose of grace for you and your family.

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  82. Praying for you guys continued healing and restoration.

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  83. I too understand your stuggle at this time. I am a survivor of domectic violence . My ex husband tried to convince me that the abuse , drugs ,Alcohol and extra marital affairs were my fault . They were not my fault they were all his doing by his own choice. He made the choice to hurt me and our three children. I made the choice to save myself and my children from the betrayal and heart aches, he caused us. Youare a beautiful spirit and daughter of daughter of God. He has so much more in store for you and your family. So I send you love , understanding faith prayers and hugs. God bless you and your children.

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  84. Even those who have not walked down that road can pray for you and ask God to guide you every day and hold you in his loving arms. We love you and pray that prayer.

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  85. Praying for you Anna.

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  86. Very well said, you have many supporters and resources that are Available to you Anna. Praying for you.

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  87. What a beautiful letter. Anna, as Dana stated I don't know you, but I feel very "motherly" towards you and if I could I would give you a big hug and tell you that you will get through this one way or the other. Stay strong and God Bless

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  88. Wonderful words Dana. Anna know that there are people who are praying for you and your family. I maybe a stranger, but I'm your sister in Christ.

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  89. Anna, you are not alone. I have been through the same thing and I wish I could talk to you. I was publicly embarrassed also and it was terrible. I did survive with the help of friends and family and you will too. I want to give you a hug and talk to you and tell you not to give up. Everyone respects you. You will become stronger for all of this, believe me, as horrible as it is now, you will survive. Everyone feels the love for you, just remember that.

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  90. Amen! Praying that God will bring Anna strength peace and comfort during this hard time and also that God's will be done in her life. Sending prayers for her sweet babies as well ! May our heavenly father wrap you all in his arms and guide you through this !

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  91. That letter was very well said. I know because I needed those words 4 years ago. I've been down that path, too. I can say, though, that God is good and faithful. He has been working to heal my hurt and restore trust. He has restored our marriage to better than it was before. I hope you're at Family Camp, so I can tell you this in person.

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  92. A letter of truth as I know first hand. Prayers are with you and all who want to allow God to call the shots after such an experience. God bless.

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  93. Dear Anna, I have not been through a cheating husband but something similar. My husband was gone for two years because of it. When he came back, it took some adjusting but he joined my church. He is a christian man but did not always live up to that. Now our marriage is stronger, we have a beautifull 5yr old daughter and he has a decent job. I knew that what he did was not a reflection on me as a wife, but his own addiction he had to overcome and make peace with God. I needed and did forgive him. We still have issues as every married couple does but we have found ways to work through those. May the peace of the Lord be with you and your children and family though this difficult time.

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  94. Like many, my heart hurts for Anna, the children and the whole Duggar family. I pray for Josh often and pray he comes out of his on top and goes back to being a devoted husband and father. Everyone is spitting on him, but more then ever this family needs a realistic dose of suppose, prayers and love. Which they have. We aren't just fans, but we consider them part of our Christian family.
    Stay strong Duggar family, Anna we love and pray for you and the children!!

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  95. Beautifully written and SO true! Praying that God will give you grace, strength, wisdom and peace as you walk this incredibly difficult journey.

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  96. Well written with lots of love. You and your family are in my prayers, Anna.

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  97. Amen and amen. So very well said. From yet another traveler.

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  98. WOW, very powerful words. Thank you to the lady who took the time to write that letter. God bless you Anna. You are prayed for and thought about daily. Take care of that wonderful family

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  99. Some of the best advice you will ever receive was in that letter to you. Lots of love there. Read and read again.

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  100. What a beautiful and well Said Letter!

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  101. Awesome words! Anna you've got this!

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  102. Awesome words! Anna you've got this!

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  103. What an amazing letter,the truth and the facts.I am praying for you Anna. you are not alone Hugs.

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  104. I remember the day my world shattered. It was a sucker punch. Everything seemed great. I didn't have the world's media sensationalizing my story but I am a church secretary with three kids. I look back on that day with heartache and remorse for the "world" I had before the news. But I also look back on that day as the day that God cared enough to break my heart for honesty, transparency and hope to replace the automatic "church face" we were wearing. Four years and a new baby, we are still on the path of restoration. I feel there will always be a vulnerable soft spot - a scar that will always remain. I remember sitting in our Pastor's office sobbing, my head hung low in shame, and him looking me in the eyes and saying "God will use this." This is not your shame to wear, though I'm sure there is someway in some form you can look back and think "I could've been better here", but this wasn't your choice. I say this to every woman who finds herself in this seat. This wasn't your choice. You didn't choose this path, but God can use this. There will come a day when you will find a ministry, a purpose, "good" that can come out of this, perhaps when you are sitting across from another young mom in your seat, then you can hold her hand and help her through this storm. God can use this.

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  105. I think you know you are not alone. However I am not convinced that you don't realize not to blame yourself. Be proud of the mother and woman you are. If you feel you want to suppt him, by all means do so. But please do not let yourself fall victim to his shame. We all still love you!!

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  106. Beautifully written. Praying God's best for Anna and her family. Healing and forgiveness comes from God and drawing close to Him. I know because it happened to me and my 2 children but by God's Grace, God healed my heart and my marriage is stronger than ever. Nothing is impossible when you put your trust in God...including healing a very hurting family.

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  107. What an amazing letter,there is so much truth listed there.You are strong Anna,just be guided by your inner feelings. I am praying for you that when the time comes you will make the right decision
    .

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  108. Well said and prayers for Anna and the children.

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  109. Beautifully said, as a woman who has also been in those shoes. I had to make the choice between, A husband that was untruthful from day one as to his sexuality, his integrity an by the time I found out. I had 3 young children an pregnant with my 4th. Scared, alone in a motel room nowhere to go, short on family & support. I lived in a one bedroom for a yr with my children struggling to live on less then 500$ a month. But in the end it taught me that I could do anything I set my mind too. It showed my children you do not have to give up your integrity & morals for anyone else.. I am mixed on should she stay or go, because I do believe ppl are not always beyond repairing their lives & relationships. It took me 3 yrs to leave. But I also knew it had to be my decision not anyone else's. Good luck & much love one this journey in your life. It will only make you stronger in the end no matter what you chose to do <3

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  110. This was a heartfelt letter. I am glad that this wonderful woman wrote this letter. Anna needs these kinds of people in her life. Too bad you all have to muddle through the venomous letter to find this diamond in the rough. Anyhow, may God bless Anna during these difficult days, and months ahead. Also may God bless the whole Duggar family.

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  111. This is the most amazing post I have read in regard to Anna. To know her is to love her. I totally agree with all points made. I pray not only for Anna, but also for Josh. This type of thing happens in many families, but we only hear about the ones who are celebrities. I know that Josh loves you. Satan is going about like a roaring lion. I will continue to pray for your family.

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  112. May the Lord Bless and keep you and your beautiful children safe from harm and keep you from all the hurtful people.

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  113. Amen! Sending love, prayers, and hugs your way Anna!

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  114. That was beautifully written and the words are great words of hope. Anna, you ARE a wonderful person and you married into a wonderful family. Josh is not the horrible person that the media has made him out to be....YES, he has done horrible things but he had a sickness that he didn't get help for when he should of. It wasn't your fault though Anna. You are a beautiful person with the biggest heart of anyone that has ever been on TV. I really wish TLC would see this as an opportunity to showcase a REAL Christian family...the trials and tribulations they go through but how they can lean on God and his faithfulness and grace to help us through even the darkest days. I'm not one of the people that is condemning Josh...that is not my job but I do NOT condone what he has done either. I do pray that he gets the help he needs and is really committed to changing his life. He is not a bad person....just a person that made bad choices but our God is a GOOD God...full of grace and forgiveness if we confess our sins and are truly sorry for what we did....not just sorry we got caught. I'm going to believe in Josh and I'm praying for the entire Duggar family. I have grown to love them all and miss their show. They taught me so much about the person that I strive to be. Anna, you will make it through this and show the world your dignity and grace. Dana is so right about accepting help at this time. There will be days when you don't feel like making a meal but know that your children need to eat....let someone else feed them at that time. Let someone else do the laundry and the dishes and YES, treat yourself to something special. Anna, you deserve to be happy and happiness WILL come back into your life but it will take time to heal and YES, only you know Josh's heart and intentions. It's your decision as whether or not to have Josh in your life. I'm praying for you, your marriage, your children, your life, your struggles and everyday, I pray that you have moments of peace and happiness. Each day will get a little better. Stay focused on God and know that you are loved by thousands and thousands of people. Love to all the Duggars.

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  115. Anna, you are loved. You are prayed for! You are His child and He promises to walk with you through this valley. He will pick you up and carry you when it's just too hard to go on. Love from your friend in NC!

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  116. A very well written letter. These words ring so true for many of us today. Anna, I've watched you on TV for years now with the duggars. You are a beautiful bright young woman and only you know what's going on and what to do. Most importantly, trust in God and give it to Him. We can say we've been in your place, but in reality none of us have ever been where you are today. We've been through the cheating and lies, true. But the big difference is that yours happened on national tv for the whole world to see and gossip about.

    I don't condemn josh for his mistakes, and I won't judge him. Only God can or should judge him. It's not our place as humans to ever judge someone for their actions or beliefs. I pray for you and your family. I will continue to pray that God shows you the way and heals you and your family as only He can. God Bless you Anna 💗

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  117. amazing words, and so truthful. God will see you through Anna. Love those Babies a little harder, they need it too. Josh has a long road ahead of him, and God will also see him through. Follow your heart Anna. You may think that you can't do this, and the truth is maybe you can not at this very moment. Have faith that, that that moment will come to you. Prayers for your whole family. Blessings from Arizona.

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  118. Beautifully written. You and all the Duggar family are in my prayers.

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  119. An excellent letter. Very well said. I have been in this place myself. My husband of 22 years abandoned our marriage for sordid affairs. It was the most painful time of my entire life. This happened 4 years ago. He would not repent and divorce was the result. I met a godly widowed man in church and have since remarried. The pain of my journey through divorce and adultery can be survived, but you do need traveling companions and lots of support. Kelly

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  120. Amen and Amen! Praying for you Anna and your family! You are a beautiful family! Loves, hugs and prayers from MO!

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  121. Very well said Dana. Thank you for taking the time to minister to Anna and the rest of us that are suffering.

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  122. First, thank you Dana. I think you hit all the points. Second, Anna, this letter really hits on everything that you probably feel and will feel in the days ahead. I too am a member of this horrible club and I was mad at God for a long time. This anger brought me so much closer to Him and made me a better and stronger woman. I pray for you and the children and I also pray for Josh. God will guide you and walk alongside you everyday. God bless you.

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  123. I have been through this not once but twice, Anna, and I feel your pain. But the pain will lessen over time when you let go and let God. Concentrate on yourself and your children, there is nothing you can do to change Josh, that is between God and Josh. And listen to Dana, none of this is your fault in any way. You did not fail him. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and may God continue to bless you and keep you safe. Your sister in Christ, Joyce Anglin Miller.

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  124. I think this is the worlds lesson, and test in the commandment of forgiving. I forgave him right from the start because everyone makes mistakes. This world we live in right now is so full of temptations. This is their personal lives that we are all witnessing. Such a wonderful family, and it just proves that satin is alive and well and preys on the people that are trying thier best to be good, and stand up for the life Jesus would have us live. Im sad not to watch my favorite Dugger tv show everyday. It was so inspiring and uplifting and even though we werent the same faith, (Im mormon), we have have same goal, of proclaiming God and his love for each of us, and His will here on the earth. Blessings to the whole family!! Love you from afar.

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  125. I know this was meant for Anna, but it was definitely something I needed to read for myself. God bless you Anna!

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  126. Beautifully written letter full of God's truth. Praying for you Anna!

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  127. This is the most caring thing I've read about this whole mess to date. Thank you, Dana, for your empathetic heart for Anna. 💗

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  128. so beautifully, gracefully, factually and truthfully said. Having walked this journey before, I too can echo the pain is not to be ignored, avoided or glossed over. Prayers for each of you Duggars.

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  129. Love this! Had to walk a similar path! This is great advise! Especially the part about the shame Not being yours!

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  130. Anna..MEMORIZE this. And with our Heavenly Father's grace & help...OWN it. I love you, dear sis in the Lord...

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  131. I have been in your shoes, Anna. I am praying for you as you walk this road. Through this process, I pray that God would show himself to you in the most amazing ways. God is faithful. He loves you and he is the God who sees!! You are beautiful and he will raise up beauty from these ashes! He will redeem this hurt!

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  132. Amen! Wonderful letter. Hang in there, Anna. You have hundreds and hundreds of people praying for your beautiful heart. I pray that God will give you comfort, resilience, and peace. This too shall pass.

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  133. Exactly 20 years ago I was right where you are Anna. I had just found out that my husband of 8 years had been unfaithful multiple times. I had two small children (one a baby) and had just given up my career to be a full time stay-at-home mom. Today I am still happily married to that same man. Forgiving him and moving forward was the hardest thing I've ever done. Lean on God like never before, trust His promises and pray for your husband even though you really feel like killing him (be painfully honest with yourself). This was NOT your fault and you are NOT to blame. People who tell you otherwise are not your real friends and family. Be kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time. Please know that there is NO shame in separation or divorce if he refuses to change! This letter offers excellent advice. My prayers are with you Anna!

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  134. Anna. MEMORIZE this letter & its words. Then: with our Heavenly Father's grace & help, OWN it! I love you, sister in Christ...

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  135. amen your a great wife and mother

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  136. @Anonymousamen..In sickness and health...til death do us part...Josh has a mental illness and has taken steps to heal...He may fail, but with encouragement keep seeking help.

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  137. My heart has been breaking for you Anna! I have been married for 36 years to a man who is bipolar and has been unfaithful. I pray that you will be drawn to the Lord in ways you never dreamed of. During my darkest trials, I have had the sweetest fellowship with Christ. Please do not feel like you are to blame or that you can "fix" Josh. Surround yourself with Godly women - and especially women who know what you are going through. I agree with the above letter - do not let anyone try to tell you what you should do. The people who truly support you will be the ones who stand with you regardless of what you decide to do in the future. I have been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so. Love in Christ, Lynn

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  138. This is beautifully written and so full of truth! I am one who has already walked this path with my husband, yes, we are still married. It wasn't easy but with God and a lot of prayers, we made it! Know there are thousands of women out there praying for you daily! Love and hugs Anna! God didn't bring you to it if He wasn't going to help you through it!

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  139. Dear sweet Anna i have also walked in your shoes. Its not easy but put your faith and trust is God and you will make it. I had to deal with 2 children from my husbands actions. I have stayed with him. Not a easy thing but it is good now. God will not fault you if you stay or if you go. Just know you are a daughter of a loving heavenly father who will never leave you. God Bless You

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  140. . What a well written letter of encouragement I pray she reads it.
    Anna I'm sending virtual hugs to you. So sorry that this was done
    to you. Sending my prayers from Canada.
    Anna you have a kind,gentle, paitent and encouraging soul.
    Take it easy Anna ask for help and let others help you through this difficult journey.
    Remember Jesus is always with you. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

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  141. I posted on one of the blogs something similar to this. She is so right you are not alone. There are many of us out there that have gone down this road. It is a hard one to travel. Listen to what's she says Anna she is speaking the truth. You are the only one that knows you and Josh. This is your life and your choice. Everyday you need to focus on you and the children you need to heal. It won't ever go away but one day things will be manageable, I promise. Yes I have gone down this journey going on 7 years now. Our story didn't happen like yours mine had a relationship with someone and other things that will forever follow me. I am so sorry for you Anna. I know you hurt to a point that you can't function at times and that you get mad and angry at everything and everyone. You will have many emotions. Nothing is your fault remember that. Reach out not just to loved ones and friends because they will not truly understand even though they mean well. You will remain in my thoughts.

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  142. She is an amazing woman that wrote the letter. She knows the fullness of Gods grace. praying for you (all)

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  143. I've been married 20 years and have 6 children. I have been though struggles much like this. Always remember, it has nothing to do with you. It was hard for me to realize this. Am I not pretty enough? Thin enough? It's a sickness inside him that only he can change through seeking help. God bless your sweet family.

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  144. Dana, such an honorable and giving woman you are. And to share this with Anna and every woman out there.....shows how much God is a part of your life and everyone's life. Let him in and he will lead you.....
    God bless

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  145. WOW! What awesome and powerful words! well said! Anna, we, Mothers, Sisters, Daughters and Friends are all out here, we are on your side. God will see you through this. The best advice I ever got about my husband was from my Mother. Anna, talk to your Mom!

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  146. You are not alone, my kids and I walk beside you having traveled the same road you are on. Praying God wraps his arms around you and your family for comfort and strength. You will survive this, done let it define you. Praying for you daily. Misti, Lenoir city tennessee.

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  147. Anna, my heart aches for you as I'm going through this right now, too. I am a Christian woman with grown children and it does not get easier just because the children are older. I wish I could sit and talk, cry, laugh, and pray with you. Lean on the Holy Spirit, who intercedes for us when we don't know what to say. God sees the big picture and has a wonderful plan for you.

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  148. Those words are so correct..praying for you .

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  149. Very well said! Keeping you in prayer. You are not alone

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  150. Beautiful words!
    I hope that no matter what you choose, Anna- your family on both sides will encourage and support you. If you decide to divorce Josh, I do hope Jim Bob and Michelle (and of course your parents) will support you. I know divorce is non really an option growing up a Duggar/Keller, but if that will be your decision, I hope they will be there.

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  151. Anna, my heart aches for you as I'm going through this right now, too. I am a Christian woman with grown children and it does not get easier just because the children are older. I wish I could sit and talk, cry, laugh, and pray with you. Lean on the Holy Spirit, who intercedes for us when we don't know what to say. God sees the big picture and has a wonderful plan for you.

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  152. We are all in your corner honey. We will all continue to stand in the gap and pray for you.Dont allow the enemy to keep bringing it up. If you have forgiven him for what he has done. Mive on with him allow God to restore what he has put together.
    god bless you and your family

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  153. Amen! Beautiful and encouraging words! God bless you Anna! Prayers for you daily coming from Texas!

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  154. Anna, I have also been in your shoes . The pain is unbearable but God will see you through it. Listen to your heart it will tell you what you need to know. When my husband did what he did he wanted her I tried everything to save my marriage but had to walk away but he came back finally but in that time God showed me I was a survivor with three little ones who was depending on me we made it through but eventually I allowed him back into our lives but I had new ground rules he had to follow apologize to his children and apologize to me because I was not at fault I was the wife who took care of the children, the home everything he wanted but turned his back on. Now we are happy once again but if it happens again I know I am strong and a survivor. God Bless you hold your head proud you are not to be blamed for his sins God knows that you have a voice and you need to use it.

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  155. Anna this is good advice and as you struggle through this journey: please take some comfort in knowing that there are many praying for you. Take time to really think about what will be right for you, your children, and your future relationship with Josh. I have not had to personally experience this type of journey but have felt the pain that my daughter had to bare while going through a similar situation. Take care of yourself and I will continue to pray that God gives you the strength to cope. May God bless you all.

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  156. That letter was so good and had so much good advice to Anna. I am grateful there are still people out there to give good advice to Anna because I feel she needs all the support she can get.

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  157. Well said and written, take care Anna and family, God does love you more then you may feel right now. You are not alone and never have been. Listen only to your heart when it comes to the final decisions in your lives, but take heart that many of us have been there, done that and have come out stronger and at peace. Josh was the one who did wrong, not you, your not to blame, it is not your doing, your not responsible for his actions only he is. But, rest assured that God loves Josh also, flaws and all, just like He loves all of us. Those who cast stones tend to forget that law. May you feel our support and love for all involved.

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  158. May God be with you Anna and your children you are rely on God and supportive for you. I will pray for our God is able!

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  159. A better letter couldn't have been written for Anna. I hope she knows there are many, many of us who are praying for her and who love her and support her and her children. Whatever she chooses to do, we will stand by her. Our love and prayers are with you, Anna.

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  160. Beautifully said! I'm praying for you every day, Anna!

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  161. Amen, beautifully written

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  162. Anna truer words have never been written to another woman. As someone who nas been through this and is still married...hang on. What a rough road to travel but through it all God is in control and He is still carryimg you. He hasn't and won't give up on you. Please do not give up on him!

    There are support and healing groups out there that are Christ centered. For me it has helped more then I could have dreamed. Find one and let them help support you. Until someone has been through this they can sympathize but not empathize. You need more then sympathy right now.

    I will keep you and yours in my prayers. I wish there was more I could do...

    Someone who understands in Michigan

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  163. Well said. We love the Duggars. You all are in our prayers. Sending strength, hugs, and the love of the Lord your way! You are never alone.

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  164. This is very powerful. I agree with all of it. I would only add, allow yourself to be angry with Josh. Vocalize that anger. There is power in speaking the truth about the impact of his actions. You are strong, speak up.

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  165. What a beautiful letter, and such wise words-- My husband and I are praying for you, your precious children, Josh, and the whole family every day-- God will give you strength and bring you through!

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  166. Very well put! Anna stay strong for you and that will make you strong for your kids.

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  167. We are all Praying for you Anna and your Whole family. It would be a true Blessing to your Supporters if we knew you or the Duggar family read our Comments. I know this is a hard time but to know that our heart felt Love and Support is reaching you would warm our hearts even more. God Bless Duggar Family.

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  168. Anna, Love and God Bless and ease your Suffering.

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  169. Anna, I have walked in your shoes. I was 18 when I married what I thought was the love of my life. When we divorced ( what was right for me) I had 3 children and he had been with 33 others in our 6 year marriage. He now has about 7 children that I know of. I believe that in you heart you will do what is right for you. Please don't let others make choices about your life for you. I will always support you and the Duggers

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  170. Beautifully put! with all of the snarky and mean people out in the world, this was a great find. i hope that anna sees it. because in the midst of other stories and comments i have seen (NOT on this site, yay!) but other places, if anna has seen them it makes it harder. this one is great - and helpful. lots of us had been through some degree of cheating. from very small to very major. it's heartbreaking and you DO feel like it's all your fault. (i am MANY years away from what happened to me, and today am very happy and remarried.) and today i know better- i know it wasn't my fault. but in the moment, it's devastating. i wanted to put my marriage back together, but he didn't. so i let it go, and now i am glad. i have a better life and someone who respects me and we respect each other. one of my dearest friends went through it and DID put her marriage back together and they're stronger than ever. so many scenarios are possible. trusting in God and your own heart are a good way to start to heal. and hugging all of those babies. because they are what it's all about: new life, new hope, and lots of love <3

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  171. Definitely something women going through this situation need to hear. A few years ago our family went through a similar situation, by gods grace everything that was broken was restored. It is not about forgiveness or love or any of that, the real key to healing and restoration is a desire to honor God above all else. You don't forgive your husband because you love him, you forgive because God commands us to. Anything else is sure to fail in the end.

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  172. Is it true that Josiah and Marjorie ended their courtship? :( Or is it just gossip that people insist on spreading?

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  173. Dana and Anna,I love you.God bless you two.

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  174. Wow, wonderfully written letter. Praying for you Anna and the family; continue to lean on the LORD for His strength and peace daily. Remember you are loved by God and were made in HIS image.

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  175. Anna I lived through the same. Mine was nearly 20 years ago. After numerous reconciliations and meetings with our pastor our marriage didn't work out. I tried 8 years. For my spouse he could not get it right. What I feel so bad for you is the embarrassment. We lived in a small town and I think EVERYONE knew about his affairs. Probably before I did. That was humiliating. Should not have been but it was. I felt as I had failed. Looking back it was not me and I think everyone knew that. Yours is nation wide. I can NOT imagine the hurt. BUT God is good. All the time. He will bring you through it. If your marriage works out He will be with you. If josh behavior does not change you may not have a choice but to leave. As diseases are real and you don't deserve that. As well our Bible teaches us there is one valid reason for divorce and you've got it. Of course I didn't run the first time I found out. Far from it. I kept forgiving him. But in time (in my case) he would not change. At that point my health had to come first. I had to be there to raise my babies. They are 20 and 18 now. They are wonderful kids. And God made sure we had what we always needed. He sent me a wonderful NON CHEATING husband a few years later. Life has been good the last several years. Hard to believe I lived through the nightmare so long ago. God bless. He WILL see you through. Follow his guidance.

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  176. As a "similar fellow traveler" (married to a preacher I always trusted), I say a hearty AMEN! That's what you need to do, Anna. I want to restate, Anna it is NOT your fault!! A man like that will do what he does no matter who the woman is, nor what she does!!

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  177. Anna my heart goes out to you and the children who are young and probably will not take this into their teenage years however, I was you and it certainly made me a strong woman of god now I am a empty nester and not once did my children ask me regarding their father's adulterous affairs, they are adults now and he has to reap with his soul not me, so Anna I am so proud of you and your kind heart, you know what to do, take care!

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  178. Bless Dana for sharing this. Praying for you Anna.

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  179. This letter is beautiful and very true. Anna, I can't imagine what you are going through but I pray that you find strength, love and courage to move on and find happiness for you. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I know you have the strength to move on and be happy. Do this for you and your little ones. God will take care of Josh and that out of your hands. Remember you and your babies are #1. Xoxo

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  180. Anna, you are a kind, sweet, intelligent, beautiful and very important daughter of God!! And admired by thousands upon thousands of people! ♥

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  181. What a powerful letter, Anna I do hope you get to read it -- so much truth in it. Many of us have been through what you are going thru. May God guide you. You and those lovely children are in my prayers.
    Big hugs and love too you and those babies.

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  182. From another fellow traveler, AMEN!!!

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  183. Dana's letter is written with heartfelt knowledge by someone who knows what you are going through. Find strength in her words Anna. Know your own self worth. You know who you are as a woman, undefined by society's standards. None of us know fully the hurt, anguish, and betrayal you must be feeling. Please know that you didn't cause any of it. You are a faithful, loving, giving, caring, nurturing wife and mother. No one can make decisions for you, especially in your marriage. They can offer advice and comfort, but the choice is ultimately yours. You have grown so much over the last few years, there is a muturity that wasn't there before. You have grown into your own woman, and that has made you a better wife and mother. You are strong in mind, body, and spirit, and your strength will keep growing as you need it. Lean on those around you and feed off their strength and love for you. God promised sunshine after the storm. Joy Comes in the Morning!!!!

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  184. A beautiful letter to Anna and prayers that things will and can work out for them and it is very hard right now and never blame yourself or the children. You are patient, kind and a wonderful mother. May God Bless you sending hugs to you and all the best to you and the children an prayers that Josh will have the help to work things out with you. Take care of yourself and the children as they are your main priority right now. Love to you and the children God Bless.

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  185. Anna- I am rejoicing in the letter that "Dana from Colorado" wrote you! Yes--you are not alone. I am also a Dana--also on the same road--much further down the path in a reconciled marriage. (only by God's Grace and depending on Him daily!). We do not know what results He will bring to you, but this trial will make you more dependent on Him. Re-read the letter "Dana from Colorado" sent you, it is beautifully written! I am so glad it was posted so the rest of us could share it!! Read it --daily or even more !! It will help your own sanity and ability to keep going each day with all the responsibilities before you. Focus on what God has already done in your heart and your dependence on Him and what you know He alone can do. Turn to Him in prayer. Some days you may wish to just crawl in a hole til it all goes away, as the hurt is so great. It will not go away. It has already changed your life and it will change you. You will grow. God is with you every step of this path and He will safely bring you to where He wants you to be. Be patient as He Works... in you, and others around you. Josh's decisions have affected so many lives. God will work in each of them through this also--one way or another. Remember YOU must only answer to God in where you stand. My prayers and my heart continue with you, Dear Sister. from Another Dana united with you.

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  186. Love, prayers and encouragement sent your way. Please follow this well-written advice. I, too, am a fellow traveler. Hugs

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