Thursday, October 9, 2014

Video: Duggar-Style Sidehugs

Had you ever heard of a "sidehug" before watching 19 Kids and Counting? In the following TLC webisode, Jim Bob Duggar explains how to correctly administer a sidehug, a common form of greeting within the Duggar clan.

61 comments:

  1. Jessa does 1/2 side, 1/2 front. It seems JB would notice that. The rules sure have changed in the Duggar ways of courtship from when Josh and Anna were courting. Even Jill and Derrik ran to give each other a hug when meeting in person for first time in Nepal. Which I think is great, but according to mom and dad's rules that was a non-no.

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  2. That`s ridiculous!

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  3. Not sure what the Duggars are afraid of that necessitates a side hug---if it is a fear that "inappropriate" feelings will be engendered, I don't see how that would be the case hugging friends and family. I can never hug my grown daughter and son-in-law tight enough---because I love them with all of my heart.

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  4. I love your blog but sometimes I have trouble getting your video clips to play. I'm wondering if I need a certain video player? Do you know if a certain player is required?

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    1. Some devices dont have adobe flash player so try mozilla firefox, that worked with mine, good luck,! :-)

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    2. Click on the words that are highlighted rather than the arrow on the picture. Hope this helps.

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  5. I don't understand when family members do the side hug. When JB hugs his kids that way I think its strange. They are your children fort goodness sakes!

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  6. As an evangelical Christian, side hugs are very common in my church community, especially between male and females who aren't married to each other. A front hug with a man I'm not married to seems a little too intimate when my curves would be pressed up against him. On the other hand, no one I know has waited until marriage to kiss although I've know of some couples who have done that.

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  7. Why does the family do side hugs? They are family, they can touch. Its ok.

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  8. I like the Duggars, but this is one thing about them that concerns me. It takes something healthy, and seems to turn it into something dirty or unclean. I'm not sure I understand why you would need to give your kid a side hug. It seems to be something born out of fear, and not something born in love with conviction from God. I don't see the Bates' family doing this. Hugs are wonderful and necessary to cultivate healthy connections, particularly among family members. It bothers me that they seem to think that a mom giving her son, or a father giving his daughter a big, warm hug, could somehow be a stumbling block to someone. They have taken something healthy and almost made it sexual. I could understand perhaps if they were encouraging their kids to be careful about giving hugs to people of the opposite sex outside the family (even that seems extreme though) but within your own family? I don't know. This, to me, is troubling.

    Rae

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  9. it is important to realize that nowhere in the Bible does it say that you can only administer side hugs unless you are married to the person you're hugging. just good to keep in mind.

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  10. They side hug because a full on hug requires pressing ones body up against someone elses. If a woman gives a man a full on hug it can stir up desires that shouldnt be stirred up otherwise. Its common practise among independant baptists. I would only give a male a side hug. Its not for everyone.

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  11. each couple make up their own minds and pick how they are going to do courtship and engagement. there are no set written rules. couples decide on their own.

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    1. I guess you don't mean each Duggar couple b/c they always seem to come up with the same rules (wait I mean Jim Bob and Michelle Laws)!

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  12. I am not judging their philosophy but when I see wee ones upset or the bigger girls unsure or scared I think how nice it would be for a nice hug from Mom. Surely sexual issues arrn't considered when all you need is comfort?

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  13. How can you "correctly" administer a side hug? I love the Duggars; however, I do think that they take things to extremes... No wonder their kids are getting pregnant as soon as their married... Their so excited to actually start the physical part that comes with marriage!

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  14. Do they get to do a real hug once they are married?

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  15. I can understand side hugs for the courting and engaged couples, but side hugs from Mom and Dad to the kids?? That's taking it a bit too far. Mom and Dad should be able to wrap their arms around their children and wrap them in their love.

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  16. It is a first for me, but I certainly approve...I just think they all should marry pretty early on! Bless their hearts!

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  17. It is a good, thoughtful idea. With so much hugging going on in a big family it is nice they had the good sense to take charge and establish a little greeting etiquette that reflects their values. Once my brother in law gave me a full frontal hug that made me blush and I couldn't look my sister straight in the eyes . My brother in law was just doing the 'right' thing to be friendly by most standards but he is a strong person and can give a strong hug.

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  18. They side hug to keep the courting couples desires at bay and its seems like Jill has said, a happy medium between being too distant and being super close like a frontal hug. As for friendship wise, its most likely just a greeting between to people instead of just saying hello or shaking eachothers hand. :-)

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  19. They even side hug their siblings. That seems strange. And Michelle doesn't give front hugs to her own children?

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  20. I think that the duggars are very strange in the ways they want there kids raised i think that when 2 prople ared as they say courting should be alliwed to do what theywant they are over 21 they are adults mom and dad shouldlet them make there own decision

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  21. Dear Lily and Ellie,
    I want you to know that I really enjoy this blog! Especially because there is (usually) no negative things. Please keep in mind that's why so many love to visit this site. Please don't allow negative comments. I've seen a few that are not encouraging. I'm Praying for you to have discernment. Please know I say this all in love.

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  22. I took have noticed Jessa's hugs with Ben. Definitely more than a side hug. I too am surprised Jim Bob and Michele have not nipped that in the bud. Also, having the boyfriend live with them even before there was an engagement. Quite shocking for Duggar standards. What is happening???

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  23. I admire the Duggars in many ways but the whole "side hug" rule is ridiculous. They have taken something as innocent and loving as a hug and made it into something sexual. So sad.

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  24. @Lynn

    Hi Lynn,

    Is your Adobe Flash Player software updated? You can install the latest version of Flash Player on the Adobe website (http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/).

    ~Lily and Ellie

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  25. when I volunteered at local prisons as a Chaplain I learned the infamous 'side hug" and was surprised when the Duggars! I thought at first this was a detention home! But I Love the show now.

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  26. I discovered side hugs when I became a Christian at 18 and went to youth group. It made me smile to remember this again. I was hoping Jim-Bob would explain why this is appropriate in the friendship/courtship time. I know I didn't get it at all when I was young until someone explained it to me. There is something very sacred and precious about the body that God has given us. And it is not hard for either party to feel very arroused as tender parts are pressed against the reciever of our hugs. Side hugs keep our hearts and mind pure before God and it makes the expectation of such tender moments so much greater and wonderful when we get to hug the one we love and have given our hearts to. Side hugs are respectful and loving. I'm so very glad for this lovely, fun reminder. Love the Duggars, God bless you all!

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  27. Hi Lily and Ellie,
    I like your blog and read it constantly, and I would like to ask you a question, since you have been with the Duggars, for example when a little one is crying and upset don't they pick up their child and hug them and reassure them, not side-hug them? Everyone is free to do act as they believe they should, I'm not going to judge it, because all expressions of love, side-hugs or not, are still expressing love and that's what matters.
    Thank you for your blog again,

    BTW I have the same problem with your videos too!

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  28. The side hugs between Ben and Jessa, to me, are more intimate than holding hands.

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  29. Males do not get front hugs from me except my dad and relatives. I don't think the Duggars are being weird.

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  30. Okay why do they do side hugs with their family members? I can see doing side hugs with people outside the family but inside it seems very strange to me. Love the Duggers but don't understand their reasoning on this with family.

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  31. Hi Lily and Ellie....I too, really enjoy this blog. Interestingly enough...I'm guessing most would not expect me to be a Duggar fan for many reasons that I don't need to get into here. I just wanted to comment about negative comments. I don't think there have been ANY on this thread on side hugs. Most are saying "yeah, I get it for unmarried couples or people of a certain age not related(12???) who are opposite gender. But it seems odd not to be able to hug your own children outright. Or siblings. I trust you to keep the balance. And I really appreciate the work you do for us!

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  32. Are they just showing clips of what a side hug looks like? Or, do they actually just give their kids side hugs instead of a full hug? That's very different if they do. I couldn't image not giving my kid a full hug.

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  33. This makes me so sad. I love giving good ole sappy mushy hugging as tight as possible hugs, its the best feeling in the world! I can't imagine this!

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  34. I have seen every episode multiple times and I dont get where people say Michelle doesnt give full on hugs...not true, she has given her boys and girls full on hugs.I suggest those people start watching the re-runs.

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  35. I think their ways are beautiful and im raising my kids to follow the duggar method.

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  36. If you give a hug, you just hug someone. You are just "greeting". I can not understand why they have to take a chaperone with them. If you tell you kids to trust them also in that way, you can let them go. You can also pray for them. We are all sinful people.
    Love, WIlma

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  37. Jim Bob invited Ben to live there so Ben could work for the family. Apparently the Duggars live on a ton of land, and there's always work to be done!

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  38. Hey, just something I noticed while watching these 'side hugging' clips.....did anyone else notice?..... Joseph was standing there in the camera's view when Jill and Derrick hugged (at the airport) and when Jessa and Ben hugged (in the Duggar's kitchen)....and Joshph looked very happy to watch that. I agree that it's good for people of the opposite sex who aren't brothers and sisters to side hug as I've had a few awkward moments where guys I know, or barely know greet you with a full on front hug!....and I didn't like it....

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  39. Lol. I don't think this post isn't saying that the Duggar's have a problem with "other" kinds of hugging. This is just an explanation of what a "side-hug" is.

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  40. I do not see anything wrong with the side hug. I myself, have been giving side hugs for a while and continue to do so. Even if it's someone I do not know or a friend, I always give them a side hug more then a frontal hug. To me the frontal hug is too intimate. I watch the show very careful to make sure I do it right and not mess up in anyway. Hopefully whenever when I have my own children someday, I would want them to follow The Duggar method too.

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  41. how does michelle see other womens minstrys like revive our hearts. do they ever listen to her radio show.

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  42. This is crazy! I agree with Rae. These people have turned hugging into something it's not! Not everyone wants to jump into passion because they have a hug!!!!!!

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  43. While I am not a huge fan of the awkward "side-hug" I think this video was darling and a fun way to share their views.

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  44. @Danae

    Hi Danae,

    The Duggars are not against frontal hugs, but they believe that sidehugs are more appropriate for people of the opposite gender.

    We are blessed to have you as a reader. :)

    ~Lily and Ellie

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  45. I grew up having lots of big hugs with boys (and girls) at my church youth club - there was never anything sexual on either side - we were all just friends and, with the natural exuberance of youth, it was normal (and I believe healthy) to express ourselves this way - I do think the Duggar parents are over-sexualising hugging.

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  46. How can a family such as this turn something as loving as a hug for someone in your family into something smutty?

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  47. I get why couples side hug, and why unmarried people of the opposite gender side hug. But I think it's seriously messed up that a father must give his daughters a side hug, or a mother must give her sons a side hug. Same thing for brothers and sisters. If anyone is getting impure feelings from hugging their children, parents, or siblings, then that person needs some serious psychological help. There is nothing impure about hugging a relative from the front

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  48. Umm, hey y'all, the Duggars do give full on hugs to their own kids, just thought i let you know.By the box set and watch them all....education is key. That would answer soooo many questions of the ill informed who just post heresay.Makes perfect sense doesn't it? Gooday Matey!

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  49. I agree wholeheartedly with you, Lauren #51.

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  50. Side hugs are just as loving and sweet. Love the Duggars!

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  51. I am over 50. I think side hugs are ok with church friends or of people of the opposite gender whom maybe you aren't closely related too. Both sets of my grandparents used to hug us kids real tight when saying good bye because we lived far away and didn't get to see them so often. I would give anything just to hug one of my grandparents again!I I say it's ok for relatives to hug from the front.

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  52. I also agree with Lauren #51. Side-hugs look so awkward and not genuine at all. They should seriously consider this once again. I appreciate many things that the Duggars teach but this makes me sad. I don't want to hurt anybody, it's just my opinion.

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  53. I just watched Jill's wedding on DVR and had tears in my eyes. Such a cute couple. However, I have to say there was no picture of Jim Bob, as the emotional father losing his first daughter, giving her a true heart felt hug. This just made me feel very, very sad...........

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  54. I am glad that they side hug, I know how they want to save everything for their marriage, and I totally agree with them.

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  55. No I is not okay to hug your daughter that way. She might be uncomfortable
    Why don't you people get it. The side hug keeps daddy from being too close to those girls.

    Pam

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  56. But the father Jim bob should not be the onlyarent to hug their daughter, the mother Michelle is her mother and the one who carried and gave birth to her. She deserved to hug her just as much and maybe more.

    Why would you think it he hug is just for her dad? Wow! Could we exalt dad any more higher than mom?

    Jean

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  57. I'm reading all these comments and noticed no one ever answers the question....? Is this the Duggar website? Why don't they answer the simple question of "why do the parents side hug their own kids?" and "why do the siblings side hug their own siblings?" Please, someone answer.....

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Thanks for leaving your comments! We answer as many of your questions as we can, but due to the number of comments we receive daily, we are unable to answer every one. Our aim is to post all points of view, but we do not post anything that is profane, insulting, derogatory, or in poor taste.