Monday, December 15, 2014

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar on Grieving

On December 11th, 2011, one month after the Duggars announced that they were expecting their 20th child, Jubilee Shalom Duggar was stillborn, weighing 4 ounces and measuring 6 centimeters in length.

In the following YouTube video, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar share how their family grieved the loss of their baby. The Duggars also give advice to people who are morning the loss of a loved on, as well as to people who know someone who is grieving. 

"I thought what was very precious was a lady that headed up our crisis pregnancy center," explained Michelle. "She dropped by our house and came, and she gave us the most beautiful literature about babies that were the size of our little Jubilee. And so it was very encouraging for me to read through that and those resources that she shared with me."

69 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this video! Two days ago, my water broke at 15 weeks into my pregnancy. My baby is still alive with a steady heartbeat inside me, but we were given a very slim chance for baby to survive in the womb until 24 weeks, when baby becomes viable. We're currently praying for a miracle but my Mama heart is breaking right now. It popped up in my facebook newsfeed right when I needed to see it. God is truly using Jubilee's life for good & I know no matter the outcome, God will use my baby's life for good as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Praying for your tiny one!!! God still does miracles!!! Prayers for you too!

      Delete
    2. Dear Anonymous Mama, my heart broke for you when I read your story. I will be praying for you, your family, and that precious baby. God bless all of you.

      Delete
    3. Wow I'm praying for you right now. What a tough time.

      Delete
    4. I hope everything works out for you, but just know that whatever happens for whatever reasons it's The Lord's will. I pray that you and your baby will be alright.

      Delete
    5. Praying for you and your precious little child..

      Delete
    6. Sweety I'm sorry that this is happening to you right now but never ever give up hope!

      Delete
    7. I will pray for you, God bless you, Natasha, Croatia

      Delete
    8. I will be praying for you and your baby. A good friend of mine is going through the same thing.

      Delete
    9. My heart is truly aching for you, I can't imagine. What your going I just had a still born in November, you will be in my prayers tonight!

      Delete
  2. nice interview; Michelle and Jim-Bob's contributions were really nice. However, the video continues into some un-edited stuff by the host that wasn't meant to be there!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you so much for sharing this. We lost our 5th child to a miscarriage a few months ago and I am still working through my grief. I found both Michelle and Jim Bob's words to be so comforting and encouraging.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I admire Jim Bob and Michelle for having/raising their children in Gods shadow.The desire to have this many children is a precious desire from God.They are truly Gods children with whom he(God) has chosen to raise these children sent from Heaven.Please keep the faith going and for those that have negative comments....you must study the word of God to understand what most of us know.God loves his children and wants the best for them on this wicked earth God Bless the Dugger family..A loving Grandma raising her grand child that she loves more than anything-because the parents chose the world...not their precious child.And if I had 50 I would take everyone of them.No child shall suffer near me or in Gods loving hands.Again God Bless the Dugger family...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was raised by my Grandmother because my parents chose the world also. I am so grateful to her for her love and her example to me of how to be a godly woman. God bless you!

      Delete
    2. Amen!! Your testimony is beautiful as well May God bless yous!

      Delete
  5. I think one of the hardest things about a miscarriage is that it is so private- there is often no one else coming alongside a person/couple in their grief. It is one of those things that society deems as private, and not spoken about, or people don't know what to say to someone. Having someone come over, as Michelle did, helps a lot- it makes you feel more like it was a significant event and worthwhile the grieving that is done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Michelle and Jim Bob, it was heart wrenching when Jubilee passed on. It was so sad, and you handled it with dignity and grace. Out of tragedy comes blessings, and here you can have time to focus on the younger ones and have quality time with them.this time with them is precious as they grow so fast, so you have these precious years to spend with them. May I recommend that instead of standing or sitting with Jim Bob in front of the kids facing them when you gather, that you actually sit among the children. And when you go on a trip, try walking together with the kids, and not in front of them. I notice Kelly Bates mingles with her kids more, she'll have eightt of them piled on and around her and she reads to them, for example. I think this will help fill the space that babies used to fill. We love you show, good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Each and every family do life differently. And they have that freedom. Duggars are not the Bates and the Bates are not the Duggars. They are the parents and they het to set the standards on how they want their family run and not the outside world who only has a glimpse of their life......

      Delete
  7. Jubilee was a miscarriage, not stillborn. Michelle didn't go through labor in delivering Jubilee. It's not the same thing. That's very disrespectful for people who actually deliver a stillborn baby after 9 months.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes she did!! 3days after Jubilee died, Michelle went into labor and delivered her. A life is a life at 6weeks or 40 weeks!!

      Delete
    2. Grief is grief and A baby is a baby, no matter the gestational age. And yes, Michelle did have labour for Jubilee's birth. Jim Bob even stated that it was one of her harder deliveries, some people need to be induced in these situations as well and very often induced labour is far more intense than natural labour. It is hurtful for people to be comparing situations when it is so painful either way.

      Delete
    3. With respect, I am not sure about whether the baby was considered stillborn at that stage but she still had to go through labor and deliver. She was too far along for it to go any other way.

      Delete
    4. The loss of a baby is the same in a mama's heart no matter how far along, you can never compare grief.And Michelle did go through delivery pains when Jubilee was born.

      Delete
    5. If you actually watched the video at the beginning of this post then you would learn the actual truth about your illfactual statement.JimBob stated that this delivery was actually more difficult than her others with alot of pain and more bleeding involved.So, no, this was not disrespectful to others of still borns including myself, so please dont speak for all us others who have had a stillborn, because i dont feel that way at all.Bless it be in the name of the Lord.

      Delete
    6. Oh my goodness! Now we have to qualify status? Please , the baby didn't make it, she was brought into the world already an angel. I have had both a still born and a miscarriage( which is a spontaneous abortion/look it up) and my loss was equal to both of them, Your negativity is very hurtful!

      Delete
    7. Don't be bitter. She was born still therefore she was still born.

      Delete
    8. Michelle did actually deliver little Jubilee! Either way its still a loss, you have no right to be disrespectful!

      Delete
  8. I thought the un-edited stuff at the end was kind of funny! :) That was very sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  9. RIP Jubilee. :(

    Just want to let you know that there is a mistake in your post: a 20-week-old fetus measures roughly 6 inches, not 6 centimeters. The same mistake was made in the original post you linked to in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  10. According to the definition, stillbirth is anything after 20 weeks meaning that people might have a stillbirth without being pregnant for 9 months. I honestly don't think Lily & Ellie meant any disrespect by it. I can understand what Allison said, though.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Also, did anyone else get a black screen in parts? I could still hear the audio fine, but in certain parts especially at the end, I couldn't see anything, but black screen.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kids are a blessing from God-Ps. 127:3(KJV):) Looking forward to the day when Jesus returns, then we will see Jubilee, in Heaven, and there will be no more pain, sickness, broken bones, etc.....!!!!!!!!!!!! What a day that will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praying for you guys!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Allison,
    though medically Jubilee's death would be categorized as a miscarriage, I can assure you that she went through labor. I have lost two babies at 16 weeks and went through labor and delivery with them both at the hospital. It is a painful and a long process. I have 5 living children so I know what "real" labor is. Please remember to be respectful of everyone's experiences.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Whether it was a miscarriage or stillbirth is unimportant. Jubilee was alive and it matters. She is their daughter.
    As a L&D nurse - I've cared for women with losses at many gestations- term and preterm. Women at 18 weeks indeed go through the pain of contractions and the emotional pain of delivering a baby they will never take home. I am so thankful that the Duggars shared with the world that this loss, whether 2 weeks or 18 or 40- was a life. Jubilee had weight and purpose in this world.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Miscarriage can take hours to go through with pain just as a labor does as in both cases the body is contracting to expel it contents. When a child is stillborn the child has been carried full term or near full term. When a child is miscarried it isn't full term but it is never the less still a child so precious and loved and so wanted by the parents to be, just as a stillborn child is. It is the size of the child and the length of the time it has had to develop that is different.
    Michelle chose to go through the process of miscarriage naturally where the body expels the now deceased child rather than going to the hospital and having the child taken from her body by medical intervention. This is not for every body and there is wisdom in the case for going to the hospital to avoid or be near medical help if things go wrong, as most people do with miscarriage these days. This however is a personal choice to be made on advise with your doctor present.

    When a child is still born you go through the process of labor, where the body contracts to expel the now deceased child. More often these days because of technology in our hospitals the parents are aware that their child is going to be born with out life present. Something that the Parents may have just learnt or even no one realizing this until the child is born. Both are a shock to the system. Usually a known still born to be is scheduled to be delivered by the hospital so that labor is induced. It is a traumatic experience knowing that at the end of this physical pain and in all that you are feeling you're not going to have before you the living child that you so much wanted.
    When a mother miscarries her child she often still feels loss and goes through the process of grief, which can for example materialize as not wanting to be near those who she is close to like her husband or getting short sharp and shinny with out realizing it.
    When someone such as Michelle goes through the natural process of miscarriage at around this time 18 weeks or so, you do visibly deliver a child with every thing perfectly formed having gone through the a similar process of knowing that at the end of all this physical pain is a child born with out life.
    When a still born baby is delivered, you do visibly deliver a child with every thing perfectly formed. The difference being the size of the child and how long you had that child with you before it was born sleeping. It is never the less a precious child and the parents are still left with a loss - a hole in their heart that only God can help heal.
    Michelle stated that when they lost Jubilee they realized that people did not know what to say and sometimes as they had felt they may have done in the past unintentionally said things that they wished they never should have said when trying to comfort someone else's loss. From this Michelle said they had learn not to compare their loss with that of someone else's even if it a similar thing that happened to someone else that they knew or knew of.
    So I don't think that Michelle was trying to compare the process of her miscarriage of Jubillee with a someone else's precious still born child. Both born sleeping might I add.
    I hope that what I have said has not offended anyone especially those that have had a loss of a child through what ever means, as I have tried to word what I have said carefully.
    God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I watched that episode when it aired with tears streaming. It was the most beautiful statement of the value of an unborn child that could be possible. The love for this little life from all the family was tremendous. Michelle's statement about Jubilee's first sight would not be her mother's face, but that of Jesus still brings tears. The love shown at her funeral with everyone participating shows that this was a treasured human life who will be missed until they reunite the family in heaven.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Allison - I had a miscarriage naturally and you do actually have incredibly painful contractions (mine were for 2 days before the baby finally came out) and your cervix dilates so that the baby comes out. I'm not sure how you think it's disrespectful, It's very painful to lose a baby no matter how long you've carried them.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is in response to Allison who said that someone having a miscarriage does not go through labor and that miscarriage is not the same as a stillborn. Allison must be someone that has never had the misfortune of having a miscarriage and she does not know what she is talking about. My story is similar to Michelle. I found out at my four month check up when I was 17 wks along that my baby boy had no heartbeat. I did not go into labor (yes labor) to deliver my baby boy until what would have been my 23rd week of pregnancy. I had contractions and went into labor the same as any woman would to birth their baby. I hemorrhaged & almost died because the baby's placenta did not want to let go even through 5 hours of contractions. A miscarriage and a stillborn are both equally very traumatic experiences that both need the labor process to birth the baby, no matter what size the baby is. I think it is actually your comment, Allison, that is disrespectful.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I was hoping for this kind of interview with them and i hope that anna will share her advice on that topic. I lost a baby one year ago, our daughter Edita passed away in 21week and I had to deliever her, she was our first child, delievery was sooo hard, i also lost a lot of blood and it was very very traumatizing so every resource on how to trust the Lord again and be thankful is welcome! Thank you for this video, Natasa, Croatia Europe

    ReplyDelete
  20. MIchelle looks exhausted and she keeps repeating herself. Who watches these 30 minute long interviews?? I had to turn it off. She needs a vacation away from the cameras!

    ReplyDelete
  21. So sad, sorry abou this loss.

    ReplyDelete
  22. So amazing how through the episode "A Duggar Loss" Michelle was very calm and sweetly recited a bible verse.

    ReplyDelete
  23. hi my name is natasha morgan i would be like the happiest person if ever if yuo say my name in your show i know u guys usaly dont do it but i do not care i would like to meat u one day and i would be happy and i also would like to tell u that your hgouse is beutiful and also tell josie happy late birthday thanks


    p.s i know it has nothing to do with the video but thanks for reading

    ReplyDelete
  24. Duggars! in this time of honor and remembrance of Jubilee, i want to say that i'm praying for u all. I pray that God will continue to give you comfort, peace, and strength. i pray that His loving- kindness will surround you guys. Be encouraged and be blessed; the Lord hears your prayers! i love you guys and i'll continue to keep u in my prayers! ,Summer P.S listen to this song by Yolanda Adams called This Too Shall Pass. it is a very beautiful song! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Anonymous1
    I'll pray for you!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love you guys and your show. Please...I respectfully want to ask Jim Bob & Michelle why they always mention Jubilee and mourning her, but rarely mention or mourn Caleb. It seems strange, maybe even dishonest, when the baby from your early years of marriage was lost but never mentioned when she is.

    ReplyDelete
  27. To commenter #1 my prayers are with you for that miracle. Thank you Lord Jesus that all things are possible through you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I would like to ask a question. How come you guys aren't doing recaps on the newest 19 kids and counting? You always used to do that! I would really like to see more of those post! It gives me a name to type into Youtube to see if anyone has uploaded the newest ones. Thanks! You guys are doing a great job with this blog! Thanks so much!

    Lina Sue Evans

    ReplyDelete
  29. @AllisonAllison, I do believe that Michelle delivered Jubilee at home.

    ReplyDelete
  30. We were thrilled to find out we were pregnant on Thanksgiving day with our third child, but I miscarried a week ago today. It broke my heart and I never knew how hard that loss could be. Still grieving, but I have faith that even though I don't understand all things, God does.

    ReplyDelete
  31. @Lina Sue Evans

    Hi Lina,

    The show is on break until 2015. When new episodes return to TLC, we will post recaps. :)

    ~Lily and Ellie

    ReplyDelete
  32. By your family Sharing your loss with the public, you have started to open the eyes of so many who consider this a taboo subject! Four weeks ago I miscarried at thirteen weeks, it was painful in so many ways. The words that people say to you can impact you in ways that they probably never thought that they would. I had a doctor tell me to stop calling it a baby! Well meaning people who say don't worry you will have another one...... I waited for thirteen years for this baby! I'am beyond thankful for the precious thirteen weeks that I carried our sweet pea, and to have been able to hold our baby in my hands. We buried our baby under a rose which is called remember me! I'am blessed to have the knowledge that my baby is with his creator praising Him all day long, one day we will be together again! This interview highlights the importance of loss at all stages, and words of encouragement that are uplifting! May God continue to bless you and your family. Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  33. Wow! Thanks for sharing this video. I am currently going through a miscarriage that was discovered at my second trimester ultrasound this past Sunday. I know that video was posted in the Lord's perfect timing, as I see it has impacted several mothers going through the same thing during this season. Blessings, Caity

    ReplyDelete
  34. I've been trying to reach out for your council, with other things I my life, but I remembered when the episode aired, tears just would not stop coming down, and at the time I was pregnant with my first son, but I could of never imagine the real grief that you were going though till last month, I went for a doctor appt. To find out this baby that I was so happy for had no heart beat, I went through the delivery process, it was the most painful. Thing to go through in the world, mean while I was in the hospital for 24 hours till Nikolai. Came out I was so scarf ot was the most traumatic experience. To go though hearing that chime go off in the the delivery area where it was supposed to be a happy place, was just so sad for me, hearing babies cry in the hall way was torcher, then when he came, not being able to go home with him, being wheeled out with a wheel chair with no baby, it still fresh in my mind, I wanted to thank you cause I know like around this time you've been posting inspiring words that have realm been helping me get through that!
    . Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  35. @Anonymous1, I too am praying for you and your baby. My water broke with our identical twins at 21 weeks and I managed to make it 3 more weeks on total bedrest before delivering them. They are six weeks old, and still in the NICU with a long road ahead of them, but 3 different doctors we consulted with told me it was not possible for me to take the pregnancy to the point of viability, so we count every day with them as a miracle. With God all things are possible!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous 1, I too am praying for you and your precious unborn baby that all turns our well for you. I know that God's hand is in everything to work for good, but I can not even imagine the pain of losing a child. Good luck and God be with you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is touching however I wonder about looking at this from the point of view of loss rather than a high risk pregnancy, meaning it was always a life in the balance and not only the infant but the mother after what Michelle went through with the previous pregnancy. It would be something to see the Duggar couple give some serious talk to what they were doing even being pregnant. This is another touching angle on the story.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I left two comments and they are not published don't know why

    ReplyDelete
  39. I hope Josh and Anna Duggar have twins. I hope Jana Duggar courts Tim Tebow. I hope Ben and Jessa Seewald are expecting a baby. I hope John Duggar, Jinger Duggar, Joseph Duggar, and Josiah Duggar starts courtships soon.

    ReplyDelete
  40. @28 Your response really surprised me. I think Michelle looks amazing, almost glowing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. @Natasa St.

    Hi Natasa St.,

    We read all comments we receive before releasing them onto the blog in order to weed out any that are profane, insulting, derogatory, or in poor taste. That's why they don't show up immediately after you submit them. Yours have been posted. :)

    We are glad to have you as a reader.
    Lily and Ellie

    ReplyDelete
  42. I agree that Jim Bob and Michelle are parents to a large family now. So they have to think not just about themselves and only what feels good to them as a couple to do....no matter what the consequences. But as Christian parents they should be willing to do what they have to do to be there for the many children they have produced. They have to modify their behaviour to be the parents, or the children will not even have them there anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thankyou Michelle. We thank Him for the life he gave when we grieve. That reminder has helped me right now. I've been so focussed on the loss that I have neglected celebrating and being thankful for the life - no matter how short. This gives me peace. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I think TLC needs to change the title of the show to 20 Kids and Counting. Jubilee was actually a child who was born into her mothers arms even though she was not alive. They also need to incorporate Jubilee into the show a bit more. Do the Duggars go and visit her grave? Do they celebrate her in any way even though she passed on? Nobody knows because TLC chooses not to show it.

    ReplyDelete
  45. having so many babies so close together is very hard on a womans body.... it will deplete them of the nutrients that a baby needs to grow in the womb. many of these nutrients can not be replaced with prenatal vitamins. two years if the healthiest amount of time it takes to rest your body between pregnancies. as christains we must be responsible for our bodies. please ladies takes this into consideration when having your large families. we want to be around to see our children grow up.....god gives us free will but still expects us to take care of ourselves.... we are his temple...betty

    ReplyDelete
  46. Grieving here...had ectopic 4 months ago and a miscarriage 2 years ago. I am so very angry an devastated that God takes our very much wanted little ones. Especially with holidays, my broken heart is even more overwhelmed by hurt and what feels like betrayal. :(

    ReplyDelete
  47. Since I watch the episode for the very first time when it aired on TV my heart was broken and I felt like I was going to cry because you all started crying so I felt like I was about to cry. I am so sorry for you loss and I am praying for you and your baby🙏God Bless you and your family

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving your comments! We answer as many of your questions as we can, but due to the number of comments we receive daily, we are unable to answer every one. Our aim is to post all points of view, but we do not post anything that is profane, insulting, derogatory, or in poor taste.