Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Asking Permission to Court


"It takes a lot of courage to approach a guy with a wrench."
-John-David Duggar

A couple weeks ago on Counting On, we watched Joseph Duggar seek Pastor Caldwell's blessing to ask his oldest daughter Kendra Caldwell to begin a courtship. On Monday night, we heard Joseph and Kendra share their thoughts on that scene.

Joseph admits he was a little nervous, especially since Pastor Caldwell was fixing the brakes on Joseph's truck during the conversation. Looking back at the clip, Kendra says there was a part of her that thought her dad might say no.

"I was just like, 'I don't know if he's going to even...say yes to Joe when he asks,'" says Kendra. Check out the video below.



Photo/video courtesy TLC

54 comments:

  1. Joe and Kendra are both too young, and quite immature to be married. They need more time to get to know each other, and the blossom as adults before they take on the real responsibilities of adult life. Neither of them have enough general life experience to be starting a family.

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    1. That's my opinion too, my boyfriend and I are together 7 years now and we're going to build our own house ( after working hard and saving a lot of money)
      For us, it's the right thing to do because we love each other and we know each other really good... if we were a couple since a few months, I would never take this next step. We have our own lives and jobs, that's a good foundation for a relationship. I accept their lifestyle totally but everyone should have the chance to really get to know the person you want to spend your entire life with. After 7 years, you still find out something new about your partner, but after this time, you can handle it better than after a few months. Love grows every day and that's the point of waiting to get married. They just fell in love but the important time comes after that. When falling in love becomes unconditional love, you know that you're made for each other. That doesn't happen after a few weeks... especially when you're that young.
      I really hope for them that they grow close together and that love helps them to get through every problem together.

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    2. I agree: they're too inexperienced.

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    3. Marrying past your twenties is a relatively new thing (1-200 years). Yet back then when it was common to be married at 15 and for a man at that age to have responsibility of his own, there was far less divorce. Today we see divorce rates on average of 45% or more. I tell you, a successful marriage is not about age or experience, but of wisdom and a proper foundation. These two find their wisdom in the Word, and a foundation on Jesus Christ. If they remain in it they will succeed.

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    4. Do you know them personally or are you gauging that from a few minutes of them on the show? There's really no way to tell that unless you know them both on a personal level. And truthfully the only options that matter on the subject are the parents, Joe and Kendra.

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    5. You know nothing about them other than what you see on a few clips. It's probably had for them to portray themselves publicly. Leave th alone, don't steal their joy. It's their life.

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    6. Texas, back when people were marrying at that age they were MUCH more mature, and had more responsibility placed on them at a very early age. They were prepared. Today's teenagers are spoiled and weak compared to the teens of the time you indicate.

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    7. I was twenty my husband twenty three when we got married yes we were very inexperienced and people said our marriage wouldn't last. July 7,2017 twenty seven years later still together with six children plus one in heaven. So... best wishes to all this young couples!!

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    8. Stephanie Smith PhippsJuly 28, 2017 at 8:21 AM

      I married at 18, my hubby was 19. We grew up together with our children. I wouldn't trade one day of our life for anything. God bless Joe and Kendra.

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    9. Has it occurred to anyone that they have prayed for God's wisdom and, after doing so, feel like this is right for them? The Bible says God will give wisdom to all who ask, and any Christian, especially, should be asking on a regular basis. I'll bet that's the case for these two. God bless them both.

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    10. They have known each other for years. Kendra's dad even commented about the hundreds of hours they have spent talking. That is how you get to know someone. Kissing isn't getting to know one another and that is something they can learn together.

      For the person who has dated someone for seven years, guess what? You can be married to someone for years and still find out new things about them. People continue to grow and change. You should always learning about your spouse. My husband and I dated for three months, got engaged, and married six months later. We have been happily married over a quarter of a century. We were 19 and 20 when we married. There is no magic age that someone should marry. As a Christian, it is finding another Christian who values the same things you do and wants to live for the Lord. If they have the same purpose in life (to honor and glorify the Lord), then there is no reason to wait to get married.

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  2. Kendras dad is pretty young! He is handsome and Kendra is gorgeous. She is too cute! So happy for her and Joseph

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    1. I think he's about 38, he looks more like 28 though!

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    2. Oh my goodness, he's about my age! My son is only 4 but I got married at 33. :)

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    3. He's 40!! He looks super young

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  3. The Duggars all have really nice teeth. Not sure why I said that lol. They are a very good looking family

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    1. Most of them had braces so they'd better! lol I mean that in the nicest way, I had them and they are such a pain, but worth it.

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    2. Oh ok. Ya my family couldn't afford braces when I was younger even though it was recommended. It's Ok tho

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  4. I believe they are called 'brakes'. But of course, Poor Joe really needed a break...hehe.

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    1. I agree :) I love the idea of a man someday asking my Daddy for permission to enter into a serious relationship with me. I want him to love and respect my daddy and vice versa.

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  6. Kendra seems like such a nice person. I think she and Joe are just right for each other and this will be a very happy marriage. You can say one thing about the Duggars: They marry well. Even ones that are difficult, such as Josh and Anna's - you still see God at work in them. I wish all the Duggars the best.

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    1. Yes Debbie I agree with you.
      I wish I had their mindset when I was young.

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  7. How sweet! Brings back so many memories. Blessings to you all.

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  8. Great and funny that Joe's request for approval had place in an unofficial setting: Joe's upcoming father-in- law working on the car, hah! But fortunately he is very much agree to the courting of his eldest daughter with Joseph.

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  9. Wow, just came to the site and two videos start playing at once, so I'm hearing a cacophony of voices.

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  10. I didn't understand the guideline to not say I love you until engagement but I get it now and it makes so much sense. It also keeps you from getting caught up in the moment and saying something you may not mean too early on. Most kids today and back in my day too would say I love you to every new guy/girl they got with but waiting until you know and are engaged that's very special. So glad for them 😃

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    1. Yes, when I was dating I felt like I "should" say "I love you," but didn't realize what love really was at the time. Now I wish I hadn't gone there with someone I didn't wind up marrying (and didn't truly love).

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    2. But how can you get engaged to someone without expressing your feelings?

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    3. True love is shown... Not just verbal. Anyone can say it.

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    4. There are about a million words that can express deep feelings about someone other than the words "I love you". That is probably why they are more successful in courtships and engagements than the average American. They know those words are not cheap, and don't use them frivolously. I don't think many young people could sustain a dating relationsip without physical contact and smothering one another with words they may not actually be able to back-up. Love is not based on simply what you feel.

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    5. I don't understand the "live with no regret" thought process. They don't acknowledge that by not truly getting to know your spouse til after marriage, that you might end up in a loveless marriage that you'll regret for life. Or what if your spouse is a bad kisser? I'd rather have kissed a couple guys and married the right one vs. not trying it and regretting it for life. The physical IS a large part of marriages (the Duggars acknowledge this), so their philosophy doesn't not make sense at all.

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    6. I agree. I was not allowed to say I love you until I got engaged and it was weird saying yes, I would marry a man who had never verbally told me he loved me. I knew if it was up to him he would have though so I said yes. Just felt weird

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    7. Sara, I agree with you. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. I can't imagine calling any of them "regrets." Each experience only further cemented my ideas of what qualities I wanted in a husband. When the other guys didn't make me feel like they were "the one" (or I wasn't "the one" for them), we parted. And I was wiser for it. I look back now and realize those were fun times, not just learning ones. Regrets? Hardly! I've run into old boyfriends and we've done nothing but reminisce and laugh, having both moved on to spouses we're happy with. People come into your life for a reason.

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    8. 4:16 PM -- I agree that the physical part of a marriage is HUGE, so there are risks when the Duggars do it this way, but I'm sure they trust God to work it out.

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  11. I love this couple. They look happy. I'm glad for them

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  12. I was worried that because of Josh. The Duggar boys would have a bad reputation, I'm glad to see that people aren't small minded and take each person as an individual.

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    1. Ya, there may be a few people out there who think that way but I don't think too many would :) the Duggar men seem well grounded in their faith and all around good guys

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    2. I thought this also! I actually didn't think girls or the lands wouldn't find love because of him

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    3. I felt sorry for Josh's siblings because when a sibling runs amok (much less famously), it does affect the others and how they are perceived. I think, like any other couple, you have to realize that you're not just marrying the person, you're marrying the family too. Unless you live on an island, you're selfish, or openly rude, you're likely going to be interacting with those family members for the rest of your married life. That really needs to be part of good premarital counseling. How comfortable are you/will you be at regular family events? Some families have very few events, others live in each other's back pockets, and most are somewhere in between. What's the family culture (implied rules of conduct, implied expectations for lots or little time spent together, etc.)? Are family boundaries healthy (who will be in your business, how much privacy can you as a couple expect, who "volunteers" advice, who talks/gossips about who-often in the guise of a prayer request, etc.)?

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  13. Just curious. Is there any truth to the articles that talk about Kendra going out with Jed, and Jed being told to back out so that Joseph could court Kendra. Would really like to know.

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    1. Why do you need to know and why would that matter?

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    2. I'm not the original commenter, but ... CURIOSITY.

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    3. That was a fake story along with the one that said Joe and Kendra were having a baby. People are so awful to be posting things like that. Also, Jed is only 16 or 17, and I'm pretty sure Duggars don't court until they're 18. I could be wrong about the last part, but I don't think they do since you can't get married until you are 18.

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    4. Jed is 18 (19 in December) same age as Kendra.

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  14. I worry that the dugger brood are rushing in to marriage because there siblings are marries! Janas got the right idea waiting for a true love to settling for any man who flashes his eye brows. I love this family and it's lovely to see them happy it's just all a bit fast! Courtship/engagement /wedding all in a heartbeat. I know the believe in love at first site but we know it's not that simple!

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    1. There is a long period of friendship before a courtship is ever entered into. There are no written rules which deem the appropriate length of time an engagement should be. So all of your statements are quite irrelevant and based upon your own opinions.

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    2. They seem to confuse dating, which is healthy and normal, with having to court and get married, if there's the least bit of attraction. Imagine everyone marrying the first boy or girl they dated. Oh my, the world would be in even more of a mess!

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    3. No, the world wouldn't be more of a mess. People would be a lot more careful about who they dated to begin with which would save a lot of heartache. I doubt that any of them have entered into courtships with the first person they were attracted to. They have been taught to watch the person they are interested in for a long period of time, to observe how they treat their family members and other people, to find out the person's true character, to make sure they have commmon beliefs, and to take counsel from family and friends. If everyone did that, they would be a lot better off, and it would keep a lot of people out of bad marriages.

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  15. I guess he's OK marrying into a family with the types of beliefs that family has. I hope he realizes this will make him a bigger target for criticism. I don't know how TLC is going to handle it, knowing that their network airs programs directly in contrast with those beliefs. They are going to have to skirt a lot of issues when airing a Duggar-Caldwell relationship.

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    1. Since Mr. Caldwell is the Duggars pastor I don't believe any "new" revelations about their beliefs will arise. Perhaps it would be best to ignore the fake media stories about these families. Everyone knows where they stand on homosexuals, marriage, etc. Seems like you are trying to stir something up with your cryptic response.

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  16. Is it true Kendra dated Jedidiah before Joseph. If true, this see awkward. Don't these boys have enough options in there dating pool?

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    1. They don't date, so I would say it isn't true.

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    2. I think Jed was interested in Kendra before Joe moved in. As you say they don't date but that doesn't mean he couldn't be interested in her and upset by it all, he is flesh and blood with feelings and desires, regardless of what the Duggars would have us believe. It could be very hard for a young man to have to surpress his feelings.

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