Thursday, August 25, 2016

Seewalds on Adoption


During Tuesday's season premiere episode of Counting On, Jessa and Ben Seewald babysit for the Napiers' daughters. The Seewalds also share where they are in the adoption process and how they have sought advice from friends, like the Napiers, who are adoptive parents, as well as from counselors (see video below). Right now, they are planning for a domestic adoption.

To all of our loyal readers who have experience with adoption, what advice would you share with couples who are beginning the journey?


Photo/video courtesy TLC

61 comments:

  1. This adoption plan is not real. They know that their child should be nine months. And now she is pregnant again! Not nice to the agency and friends with real adoption plans! Adoption is fantastic but only if u are serious. And you have to have a real job. Ben has no real job.

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    1. A bit harsh but true.

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    2. You must know it all.

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    3. How do you know what Been does for a living and where they get their income from? It's really none of anyones business. Who's to say what a "real job" is anyways. I don't see them bumming off the government. Just leave them alone. We need more loving families in the world like them. I think they have plenty of room in their hearts and experience to adopt if they do choose.

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    4. To all you haters.. you must really have issues if you do not support this family why are you even reading updates. Makes no since to me what so ever. I read this because I care and have great hopes for this wonderful family.. how sad of a life you must have if you use your time in a negitive way. Prayers for you.. as for this amazing family, much love and hopes andnprayers. Xoxo

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    5. Of course it was real! This show was three months ago, so they may not have known that they were pregnant at this point. Even people who don't use birth control can naturally wait two years between pregnancies. I think Jessa is still breastfeeeding and that does often space out the births. But God gave them a special surprise. Maybe wasn't what they had in mind, but God knows best.

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    6. I totally agree. I also think it is selfish to adopt when you already have children of your own and many people who adopt can't have kids of there own. Now if they wanted to adopt an older child or a child with special needs that would be okay. But I assume they want to adopt a baby. They are wasting the avenues time as well as their own.

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    7. I have said the very same comment as you quite often.I know there are plenty of others like us who feel the exact same way.Blessings😉Seriously though...why are they here? I certainly don't venture on sites of folks I don't really care for and then say rude comments or negative opinions about people they like...its just a form a bullying...and that is sad sad☹Life is to short to be angry and mad.

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  2. When you're looking into adoption, look into fost/adoption too. My husband and I couldn't have kids, but we are both so happy that God's plan was for us to adopt instead. We knew that when a family splits up, it's difficult enough, so we felt very strongly about adopting a sibling group. Our daughter was 4 and our son was 13 months when we first fostered them. Then, their little brother was born and we've had him since birth. We also ended up adopting a relative's child who was removed. In my opinion, you are really doing God's work by fost/adopting a little one who really needs a loving and consistent place to call home.

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    1. That is good if you are a good foster parent

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    2. If they fostered, they couldn't be shown on TV, for privacy reasons.

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  3. 1- Be serious about it. If the agency tells you should not a child under 9 months at the time of the adoption, plan for that. They also should not have another child for awhile afterwards, to allow the new member to adjust.

    2-Be accepting of an open adoption. Children do better when they are connected to their birth families.

    3- Do not have a transracial adoption. Those adoptions can be disasters for the child and are not recommended due to the potential of long term emotional problems. It takes special parents to make it work; parents who are committed to exposing the child to their own culture, who will keep the child connected to his or her cultural heritage. That is easier said than done.

    4- Wait till they are much older, at least in their 30s and have experienced raising a few children.

    They might think that being Christian will solved every problem but it will not.

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    1. Are you kidding me regarding bullet point #3?

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    2. We adopted our daughter who is not our race and it's not an emotional disaster for her! That's ridiculous to rule out transracial adoption because of stereotypes. All children are worthy of adoption. Skin color shouldn't matter.

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    3. Mam I don't know what part of i can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me.....you did not get. But giving a child a home and a family that is important no matter how old you are...

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    4. All the "transracial" adoptions I know have happy families. In America we all share the same American culture.

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    5. Point #3 is easier said than done, but luckily there are special parents out there who are open-minded, loving, strong, courageous, and capable of giving a child, no matter the racial backgrounds of everyone involved, a fighting chance.

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    6. To the person who says not to adopt a child of different race -- their friends on the show, the Napier's, adopted a child of a different race and from a different country too! Doesn't look like a disaster to me! She seemed like a happy, playful, smiling little girl! Besides, I'm with another commenter on this site that doesn't believe they're serious about adoption. As the commenter said, Jimbob and Michelle have been praying about it for YEARS now. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! Its just a publicity ploy if you want the truth!

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    7. I had older parents but my bloodline was different from my parents. We didn't care. We just loved and liked each other. My brothers were 13 and 15 years older than I so they were off to the military and college by the time I was 2 years old.

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  4. It's good they are getting informed but I don't see them adopting any time soon.
    Hopefully they will though because I can see they have love for children

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    1. My idea on that is when God is ready to place an adopted child in a family...He makes the way and smoothes the path.

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  5. My husband and I have adopted 3 children thru foster care -- all siblings. The first two came as a set and then their little brother came along 2 years later. What I would say is go into it with an open mind; know that God already knows the names of our children (bio or adoptive), so if a child is meant to be yours it will happen; We went thru a couple rough moments where we thought our children would go back but it didn't happen. This issue also happens with domestic private adoptions in that sometimes adoptions fall thru. So if you lean on God and trust the process it is one of the biggest blessings in the world.

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    1. I love your comment, MamiaS. You've got it right!

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  6. I don't understand why the topic has been posted since they are expecting a child. It's not a current option.
    The process is always difficult and stressful. Adoption abroad verses within your community isn't the same and vary depending on countries or even by States. The only similarities are a home study, a lot of paperwork, a lot of waiting and a great blessing of a child.
    I'm very glad another child is on the way. They need time to grow as parents before adoption.

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  7. They can not be serious on adoption unless they use birth control and prevent having a child for a couple years until the adoption process is over(read regulations) , otherwise they will keep talking.about it but never actually do it as they will have to keep repeating the process.

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  8. The duggars have been talking.about adoption for years. Jimbob and Michelle have said they have been praying about it fir years now but haven't done.anything about it. I just hope Ben and jessa aren't just talking about it as a storyline for the show. Unless she can stop getting pregnant she will never be able to adopt.

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  9. If she is really keen on adoption, jessa needs to use birth control for a couple years after this pregnancy or she will never finish the process. As an adoptive mum it can take years and I can't forsee them adopting unless they change their lifestyle etc.

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  10. Well, that clip was definitely staged and gave no hint as to what kind of counseling they are getting. And now that Jessa is expecting another baby, that would change the adoption plan just a tad. If they are serious about adoption, they are going to have to practice birth control for awhile at some point. I am a parent of two grown children, both adopted internationally as toddlers. My advice to them is to obtain the services of a reputable adoption agency and get advice from professionals. The adoption process can be long, arduous and challenging. Adoptees have special emotional and psychological needs that often come from having the bond broken with birth mother. They both need to read "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier.
    I just don't get the feeling that the Seewalds are quite mature enough or ready for this. They had nothing to say to each other after their friends left... Jesse just laughed in that silly way she frequently does.

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    1. Yeah, I noticed too that they had nothing to say to each other!

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    2. You do realize the camera was only on them for like three seconds?

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    3. Maybe they saved their discussion for after the cameras stopped rolling. I think I would.

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  11. Educate yourselves! That's my advice. Adoption is NOT a walk in the park. I used to think it would be exactly like raising bio kids. That isn't the case at all. You have to use different parenting with adopted children due to trauma (and yes, almost 100% of kids up for adoption are from trauma backgrounds). It isn't rainbows and butterflies. The training, books, education courses, etc, are so so so helpful. Get as much as you can (and more than you're required). It's a real eye-opener and will help to prepare you. Adoption is HARD but worth it.

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    1. My sister-in-law & brother-in-law fostered 3 children (siblings), and it didn't work out at all. These adults are educated, experienced with social work, and were already fantastic parents to a bio child. The foster children acted out in sneaky and terrifying ways that would have scared and stumped any parent. The children finally had to go back into "the system," sad as it was. My in-laws went into it with the best of intentions, tried as hard as they could, and were devastated that things didn't work out. As you said, it is not always a walk in any kind of park.

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  12. Honestly... Patience!! And always remember it's God's timing!!! I know they're pregnant now. But that doesn't mean later they can't start back up later!!! Dont worry about other's opnions!! God bless

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  13. There are many aspects of adoption that people don't want to talk about. Everybody wants to "rescue children and love them back to health" but that is simply not how it works. People seem to forget that for a child to be adopted, something absolutely horrible had to have happened that child.... Even in the best of cases where the mom willingly gives up the baby at birth so it can have a better life... that child will suffer severe trauma because of the separation. And that trauma greatly affects a childs brain development and behavior.

    Babies know their mothers smell, her voice, her personality and habits...before they are even born.

    So taking this into account, every prospective adoptive parent should take due diligence and educate themselves on a condition called Reactive Attachment Disorder, also known as RAD. Alost every adopted child will have some degree of this disorder and it is the kind of thing that will greatly affect all aspects of the adoptive family's daily life. It is a horrible disorder that causes the child to try to turn people against them. Children who have RAD don't feel safe when they are being loved, so they will do everything they can to try to get people to stop loving them. It also affects their degree of empathy, and empathy is a very important thing to a childs ability to function in the world.

    There's a lot more I could say, I think the most important thing when considering adoption is to do your homework. Lots and lots of homework. And being willing to hear things you don't want to hear, not just the happy and beautiful side of adoption but the truly ugly side too. So you know exactly what youre getting yourself into beforehand.

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    1. I can attest to the truth of this from our son's adoptions of a young boy. He did all those things and now I know why he is short on empathy. He is a teenager now and has improved a lot, but there were so many very difficult times winning his heart. He knows the Lord which is a great help.

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    2. Please do not spread misinformation. Not all adopted children develop RAD. Your description of it is not even accurate, or at least not complete. A child adopted and cared for birth will not develop RAD. I think you are trying to be helpful, but you really need to do your homework before posting inaccurate information.
      https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001547.htm
      http://www.aacap.org/App_Themes/AACAP/docs/facts_for_families/85_reactive_attachment_disorder.pdf

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  14. How unfair to wanna-be parents waiting on a list for a child when these two can have their own naturally.

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    1. There are more kids that need adoption than people willing to adopt. It's not like all the families who can't have their own are fighting over the few adoptable kids. There are plenty to go around! We need MORE people to adopt.

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    2. That is the truly heart breaking when people dealing with infertility are waiting patiently to adopt. I hope they never bump one of those couples on a list!

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    3. Who says they wish to adopt an infant? There are many many kids in the foster care system.

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    4. Adoption isn't JUST a Plan B. In other words, adoption isn't just for people who can't have their own children naturally. Do you have any idea how many orphans there are in the world? If the only people who tried to adopt were people who couldn't have their own children naturally, there would still be a ton of orphans! God calls people to adopt, regardless of whether or not they can have their own children. How unfair is it of you to criticize someone for wanting to adopt when God placed that desire on their heart!!!

      "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 (NIV)

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  15. It seems like the duggars are always talking about adoption as a storyline. But Jessa will never be able to adopt (or not until she's much older) if they don't ever use birth control. Also, as many have said, adoption is not a walk in the park. Just because they "have a heart for it" does not mean that they are ready for it. I hope they are considering this option very very seriously as having a large biological family does not automatically mean you can handle adoption.

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    1. There are plenty of needy kids to go around!

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  17. This whole storyline was staged. She knew she was pregnant when filming. She is due in February which means she is 4 months along. She would not have announced it to the world prior to 12 weeks. I am disappointed they lied for TV. Pretty good acting for non-actors. I wonder what else is staged. What else is not true? I was a real fan but am truly disappointed now and left with a bad taste in my mouth. I hope JimBob didn't agree to Jeremy courting/marrying Jinger for a storyline.

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    1. She might not have known she was pregnant at the time. She's only about 3 months along now, so she's probably only known for a couple months, if that.

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    2. That's not true. Please be careful what you say. The shows are atleast three months behind. Spurgeon is only 6 months here, but he is 9 months now. We also don't know when in February. I am due end of February/beginning of March and am only 13 weeks. Three months ago I hadn't even yet conceived! And you normally don't know you're pregnant until after 4 weeks. The baby was probably a surprise to them after this episode, or they were just starting to wonder if they could be pregnant, but God gave them the baby so it was God's plan for them right now. They're not required to take birth control if they don't feel it's right. God still could have allowed them to go through the adoption process first if He had wanted them to.

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  18. Don't underestimate the "primal wound". It is real, although not always apparent. Take the time to learn about it ❤

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  19. Why haven't the (elder) Duggars adopted, the way they said they would? What happened to those plans? They have never explained that.

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    1. They didn't say they would definitely adopt. They said they were praying about it.

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  20. The Seewalds are clearly good people but I feel like they were showing off about how awesome they are wanting to adopt, but they clearly weren't serious about it because they are pregnant again. I don't like when people "talk the talk" but don't "walk the walk". They shouldn't tell the world they are adopting, keep the topic private or share its a future plan. So irritated.

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    1. I believe them. But obviously they weren't planning on getting pregnant again so quickly. I don't think from the timing that they knew they were pregnant here. Maybe they were just starting to wonder. Who knows?

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  21. I am always amazed by people who think they know everything about the Duggars and their spouses. It is sad and funny all at the same time.

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  22. My advice (as an adoptive mother of three, with two bio?) is to stop making it a public issue for discussion. I think it's pretty interesting that all other adoptive parents on here are suggesting some of the things things: 1. it's not as easy as you think 2. the process is going to look a lot different than they currently imagine (and it's going to be delayed as long as they keep getting pregnant) and 3. you have no idea 'till you're in the middle of it what it is *really* like.

    Be discrete. Be quiet. Heads down and silently go about your business . . .

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  23. I love Jessa and Ben! Theyre incredibly mature for their ages (remember they're only 21 and 22!) and theyre really wonderful people. I think the dream in their hearts to adopt is a good dream but it's possible (and probably for the best) that these dreams don't come to fruition for another decade or two.

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    1. *Jessa is 23, she'll be 24 in November

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  24. I agree with many of the above comments. Michelle has talked about adoption for years now the girls are following suit. Nothing will come of it.
    It would be nice to see Ben following through on any of his mentioned career plans such as ministry education. He seems like a typical directionless millennial. I am not sure if tlc is feeding them script but if so they better come up with better writers. The family does not come across as real genuine anymore. I really enjoyed the show when the kids were growing up,

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  25. I agree even the younger one has been working on a cdl drivers license forever. You can still have the Lord in your soul and get a education / trade and a real job. Look at Ellie and mr wonderful they are good examples. Sadly we are not shown any of these adult kids being able to fend for themselves without Tlc. Tlc inmho has become a immoral channel. I thought homeschooling would make them immune to the generational lack of commitment to being independent but sadly it has not. The kids were so cute growing up it is sad to see.

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  26. As the mother of 3 children, two biological and one through adoption, the best advice I can give you is wait. Wait 10 years until you are in your 30's. Wait until you career is established. Wait until you have experienced more in life and have stood by your spouse in hard times that have shaken your faith. Wait until you have met more people with life experiences different then your own so that you can relate to a potential birth family better.

    We married young, 20 and 22. We struggled with infertility and were told that we could never conceive. God had a different plan for our lives and we were blessed with 2 biological children. After our youngest tuned 5, we started to feel a strong pull on our hearts to love another child. We could no longer conceive so we pursued adoption. Our daughter's birth mom contacted us about her daughter about 6 months after we completed our home study. She was born at 24 weeks and has many medical and special needs. However, we had enough life experiences and resources that we knew we could say yes. We were not ready in our 20's to take on a child with special needs. However, there is no doubt in our minds that we were to say yes to our daughter. Things will come in the right time.

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    1. This is such a good comment. Very wise.

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